Sometimes being an adult sucks.
Big time.
Especially when on the outside it appears like you got your crap together, but on the inside you're floundering, wishing this life that you seem to find yourself in wasn't yours.
Now, I don't want you guys to worry too much about me.
For the most part, I'm okay. And, it's only sometimes when I start to really think about it and dwell on it that I start feeling like I'm lost in a foreign place that I had never planned to be.
Occasionally this is fun, at least at first, until you no longer find being lost an adventure and start longing to find your way back to somewhere, someone familiar. If you've been lost before, I'm sure you know this feeling and can almost pinpoint the moment that you start to think:
"What if I can never find my way again?"
For me, if I get lost, the thought doesn't creep in till later. At first I'm all confident in my lostness: Clearly I missed that turn a few miles back. Yes, that's what it is. But then I think to myself, what if that wasn't the turn? Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself, and it's actually just a little further. Yes, that's it. I'm freaking out for nothing.
So I press on down the same path until I realize that I am so obviously lost it's not even funny. So I make a U-turn and turn where I think I was supposed to, only it doesn't feel right still, and panic starts to set in. And slowly that thought seeps into my mind:
What if I can't get back? What if there's no one that can help me?
What if I'll be alone and lost... forever?
I try to push this thought out of my head. I'm being irrational; it's just fear talking. I'll get out of this and be fine. I'm not alone; I won't be lost forever. But the thought still lingers... in the back of my mind, waiting to worm it's way back into the surface of my thoughts.
Eventually, after a few stops, several U-turns, and a few desperate phone calls (or GPS look ups, if I'm lucky), I do find myself at my intended destination, ready to regale my friends of my misadventure, playing off any slight panic attacks, and never revealing the one thought that I had pushed back down below.
But it's still there. Waiting. Waiting to burrow it's way back up, waiting until it's just visible enough to have someone, anyone, notice. And sometimes, it's not even me that notices first.
Yesterday, I went to a nearby restaurant by myself and ordered dinner to go. It wasn't very crowded: A family nearby the entrance that was finishing their meal, and a few friends in the back. I sat near the entrance at a stool waiting for my order, noticing the family and the surroundings. As I watched the family gather up their things and start to leave, my mind started to wander.
Even now I honestly don't remember what I was thinking about, if I even thought anything at all. I was just staring off into space. But in the periphery I notice someone trying to get my attention. In my daze, it takes a while to realize that it's the cashier telling me that part of my order is ready. I apologize for not hearing him the first time, and instead of saying it's okay or ignoring it, he asks:
"Are you okay?"
"Oh I'm fine. I was just spacing out." I reply, waving it off like it's no big deal. He kind of gives me a quizzical look, like he doesn't really believe me.
"Are you sure you're okay?" he asks again with real concern in his voice.
Again I tell him I'm fine that I was just thinking about all the things I had to do when I got home and that I really was okay. He hesitantly handed over my order and told me he understood because he was getting ready to go to college and he hadn't packed anything. I laughed with him and told him I knew how that was. When the other part of my order was ready and I started heading out the door, he called after me:
"I hope you have a good evening!"
"Thanks! Good luck with college!" I called back as the door closed behind me. Any other time/day I would have thought nothing more about the conversation, or I would have thought it was a bit odd and then moved on. But as I made my way back home, I couldn't stop thinking about what he had asked me and the genuine concern in his voice when he did.
Did he see something while I was spacing out? Something that I didn't notice?
Am I okay?
Am I sure?
Showing posts with label Real World/Soapbox. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Real World/Soapbox. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
It All Started With That Damn Squirrel
Two posts two days in a ROW!! I'd just like to preface this with saying, don't expect me to be posting everyday now. Today was just too weird of a day and I had too great of a story to not tell you what happened. After this I'll go into hiding again till the end of the semester. Promise.
This morning, on my way to work, I hit a squirrel.
I tried to slow down, but it was just going too fast and then I distinctly heard a thud. (Gosh, if I'm in my car, animals should just stay away. Things never work out well for them.)
I felt a tinge of sadness and guilt for hitting it, but it's not like it was enough for me to do anything. I continued on to work and carried on with my day and forgot about the squirrel for the most part.
Should have known that squirrel was a sign of how the day would go.
At lunch, I purposefully avoided looking at some lady? (I don't know I wasn't looking at her/him remember?) who was begging for money, holding out her hat to cars that were at the stop light. I don't carry cash, so it's not like I had any to give anyway.
Another sign?
By the end of the day, I had forgotten all about both, and I was tired and ready to go home. I even thought to myself... perhaps I'll take a power nap before I have to go to a rehearsal (because I agreed to help a classmate with her final project; I clearly have a problem with telling people no).
FYI, that power nap never happened. Here's what did:
As I was leaving work, I turned right out of the parking lot and went about 20 feet before I was waved down by an older (probably in his 40s) African American man, wearing, oddly enough, a "Master Thug" shirt (as in Mastercard... get it?) (But I'll be honest, I didn't notice the shirt till later on, it just seemed interesting compared to what happened next. Also, I only added that he was black so you could get an accurate description. I really didn't care that he was black.) Next to him was what I assumed was his son, who looked like he was 17 or so. I pulled over and rolled down my window to see what was up.
He asked if I had a jack that they could borrow because they had a flat tire. Seemed like an innocent enough request to me and we were literally RIGHT in front of my work building, so I parked and pulled out the jack for him.
But then he told me they didn't have a spare tire to replace it with, which made me wonder why they needed a jack then if they didn't have something. The guy told me that he was just in the building to talk to a lawyer on the 12th floor, and he pulled out his paperwork to prove it to me (it looked legit... legit... like I even know? Ugh whatever.) He said he was trying to get a divorce, which is why he was there meeting with the lawyer. He told me he didn't have any money, and all he had was $2 (so he couldn't buy a tire either), which he gladly offered me several times (I didn't take it).
After making excuses myself (I had to get to class, I didn't have any cash) and having them not work, I said I could drive him to the tire place, which was down the street (about 3 minutes away) and drop him off. So, he left his son to watch the car (which was now on my jack) and he came with me to the tire place.
Now before you start lecturing me about how this was a terrible idea, I get it okay. There were tons of things I should have done differently or not done... I understand. But this is what happened. And I'd like to think that if it hadn't been what I should be doing, I would have gotten a sinking feeling about him or the situation. But I didn't. So I carried on... as you should do now with my story:
On the way to the tire place he tells me his nickname is Mike but his given name is Columbus "like the explorer Christopher" (got it) and that he's not from around there so he doesn't really know where he is because he's from the Garland/Dallas/635 area. I tell him my name is Mattie, but that's it. He then proceeds to tell me that he's trying to get a divorce from his wife who he hasn't seen in awhile because she ran off with another woman (WHAT? Did I hear that right?). And he's trying to get the divorce done so that he can marry the boy's (the 17 year old that was with him) mother. He also tells me how much he has to pay for rent etc. and how much he had to pay for the lawyer (you know clearly illustrating to me that he has no money to buy this tire).
So the first trip to the tire place (that's right I said first as in there were multiple trips), we go and borrow a lug nut wrench from the tire people because mine wouldn't fit on their car (and luckily the tire dude was SUPER nice in letting us just take it.) And then I decide I'll be super nice and drive him back. He asks the tire dude how much a used tire will be ($35), and he looks at me wondering what I'll say.
I don't know what happened. I guess I thought... $35 isn't too much; this guy looks pretty sad and he just wants to get a divorce from his gay soon to be ex wife so he can marry this other chick and be a dad to this kid. I don't know. I don't know okay.
And so I told him it was fine and I'd buy it for him. He practically jumped for joy and said he had to serve me and stopped me from opening my own car door so he could hold it open for me. We drove back to his car, and I waited for him to take the tire off, and we then drove BACK to the tire place. I bought him a new tire and then drove back to his car so he could put it on.
The little trips were probably the most interesting because he told me about how he always had a feeling his soon to be ex was gay but he could never prove it. I asked how he found out (hey he was already sharing and I was kind of curious... hello I was thinking of you guys. I wanted a good story. Ugh... me and my writer inclinations dang it.). He told me he was in prison (Ummm what? Yeah I didn't ask him this time and he didn't share the reason.) and she had written him a letter telling him, and when he got out and came home he found her and realized it was all true.
He asked me how that could be. How could another woman just run off with another woman? He couldn't understand it and didn't know why people did that because God doesn't like that. God wouldn't make them that way on purpose would he? That's not what it says in the Bible... etc. (He went on but I really didn't say much or comment on anything he was saying... I just kind of said "I don't know" a lot and nodded and said "I understand." I'm also not commenting to you about this either because of other reasons, so just know these words were from him and I remained neutral and rather silent while he rambled.) He also told me about how he was taught to respect women and how a relationship is about doing things for each other and listening to each other. He said he knows how to treat his woman right, even in bed (Umm ok... TMI. Luckily this was the last trip back to the car and we were super close to it.) and then quickly added he didn't mean "no disrespect... but it's true." (Thank you for that.) He said he'd come visit me, I told him that was okay (I wasn't going to give him any kind of address because even though I had spent $35 and he could have theoretically paid me back, I didn't care enough to want to see this person ever again.)
I waited in the car for a bit while he changed out the tire and while his "son" was finishing up he came over to me.
Now this is what kind of made me wonder if I should have done what I did and helped him because the man had the audacity to ask me this.
He asked if he could have $5. I got kind of angry at this and thought he was pretty rude for asking considering everything I've done for him at this point. I told him again I didn't have any cash, and I couldn't give him any money. He said he wanted to buy cigarettes and I could use my card. (EXCUSE ME?) Not going to lie, I got pissed. I told him, "I am not buying you cigarettes. I just bought you a $35 tire, and I don't even know you." He could tell I was pissed at him for even asking and he quickly and profusely tried to apologize and say that I already did so much and it was fine and he was just asking and it's okay.
He finished putting the tire on, gave me my jack back, and then I left (with the hope and his promise that he'd take the wrench from the tire place back. I sure hope he did.).
So here's my question to you... in a world where everyone is distrusting of everyone else, where there are so few occasions where others do good deeds because we feel like they are just scamming us, or where we judge someone based on what they look like or how they are dressed, was I being too trusting? Should I have just said "Sorry sucks to be you; I have to go, give me my jack back"? Should I have just ignored his waving and kept driving because he didn't look how a "trustworthy" person looks? Was I being a good samaritan or was I a sucker and being played for a fool by the "Master thug"?
I'd like to think that I was doing the right Christ-like thing and because of that the Lord was watching out for me and made sure nothing bad went down, but honestly I don't know the answer myself.
But what I do know is that it was all because of that damn squirrel.
This morning, on my way to work, I hit a squirrel.
I tried to slow down, but it was just going too fast and then I distinctly heard a thud. (Gosh, if I'm in my car, animals should just stay away. Things never work out well for them.)
I felt a tinge of sadness and guilt for hitting it, but it's not like it was enough for me to do anything. I continued on to work and carried on with my day and forgot about the squirrel for the most part.
Should have known that squirrel was a sign of how the day would go.
At lunch, I purposefully avoided looking at some lady? (I don't know I wasn't looking at her/him remember?) who was begging for money, holding out her hat to cars that were at the stop light. I don't carry cash, so it's not like I had any to give anyway.
Another sign?
By the end of the day, I had forgotten all about both, and I was tired and ready to go home. I even thought to myself... perhaps I'll take a power nap before I have to go to a rehearsal (because I agreed to help a classmate with her final project; I clearly have a problem with telling people no).
FYI, that power nap never happened. Here's what did:
As I was leaving work, I turned right out of the parking lot and went about 20 feet before I was waved down by an older (probably in his 40s) African American man, wearing, oddly enough, a "Master Thug" shirt (as in Mastercard... get it?) (But I'll be honest, I didn't notice the shirt till later on, it just seemed interesting compared to what happened next. Also, I only added that he was black so you could get an accurate description. I really didn't care that he was black.) Next to him was what I assumed was his son, who looked like he was 17 or so. I pulled over and rolled down my window to see what was up.
He asked if I had a jack that they could borrow because they had a flat tire. Seemed like an innocent enough request to me and we were literally RIGHT in front of my work building, so I parked and pulled out the jack for him.
But then he told me they didn't have a spare tire to replace it with, which made me wonder why they needed a jack then if they didn't have something. The guy told me that he was just in the building to talk to a lawyer on the 12th floor, and he pulled out his paperwork to prove it to me (it looked legit... legit... like I even know? Ugh whatever.) He said he was trying to get a divorce, which is why he was there meeting with the lawyer. He told me he didn't have any money, and all he had was $2 (so he couldn't buy a tire either), which he gladly offered me several times (I didn't take it).
After making excuses myself (I had to get to class, I didn't have any cash) and having them not work, I said I could drive him to the tire place, which was down the street (about 3 minutes away) and drop him off. So, he left his son to watch the car (which was now on my jack) and he came with me to the tire place.
Now before you start lecturing me about how this was a terrible idea, I get it okay. There were tons of things I should have done differently or not done... I understand. But this is what happened. And I'd like to think that if it hadn't been what I should be doing, I would have gotten a sinking feeling about him or the situation. But I didn't. So I carried on... as you should do now with my story:
On the way to the tire place he tells me his nickname is Mike but his given name is Columbus "like the explorer Christopher" (got it) and that he's not from around there so he doesn't really know where he is because he's from the Garland/Dallas/635 area. I tell him my name is Mattie, but that's it. He then proceeds to tell me that he's trying to get a divorce from his wife who he hasn't seen in awhile because she ran off with another woman (WHAT? Did I hear that right?). And he's trying to get the divorce done so that he can marry the boy's (the 17 year old that was with him) mother. He also tells me how much he has to pay for rent etc. and how much he had to pay for the lawyer (you know clearly illustrating to me that he has no money to buy this tire).
So the first trip to the tire place (that's right I said first as in there were multiple trips), we go and borrow a lug nut wrench from the tire people because mine wouldn't fit on their car (and luckily the tire dude was SUPER nice in letting us just take it.) And then I decide I'll be super nice and drive him back. He asks the tire dude how much a used tire will be ($35), and he looks at me wondering what I'll say.
I don't know what happened. I guess I thought... $35 isn't too much; this guy looks pretty sad and he just wants to get a divorce from his gay soon to be ex wife so he can marry this other chick and be a dad to this kid. I don't know. I don't know okay.
And so I told him it was fine and I'd buy it for him. He practically jumped for joy and said he had to serve me and stopped me from opening my own car door so he could hold it open for me. We drove back to his car, and I waited for him to take the tire off, and we then drove BACK to the tire place. I bought him a new tire and then drove back to his car so he could put it on.
The little trips were probably the most interesting because he told me about how he always had a feeling his soon to be ex was gay but he could never prove it. I asked how he found out (hey he was already sharing and I was kind of curious... hello I was thinking of you guys. I wanted a good story. Ugh... me and my writer inclinations dang it.). He told me he was in prison (Ummm what? Yeah I didn't ask him this time and he didn't share the reason.) and she had written him a letter telling him, and when he got out and came home he found her and realized it was all true.
He asked me how that could be. How could another woman just run off with another woman? He couldn't understand it and didn't know why people did that because God doesn't like that. God wouldn't make them that way on purpose would he? That's not what it says in the Bible... etc. (He went on but I really didn't say much or comment on anything he was saying... I just kind of said "I don't know" a lot and nodded and said "I understand." I'm also not commenting to you about this either because of other reasons, so just know these words were from him and I remained neutral and rather silent while he rambled.) He also told me about how he was taught to respect women and how a relationship is about doing things for each other and listening to each other. He said he knows how to treat his woman right, even in bed (Umm ok... TMI. Luckily this was the last trip back to the car and we were super close to it.) and then quickly added he didn't mean "no disrespect... but it's true." (Thank you for that.) He said he'd come visit me, I told him that was okay (I wasn't going to give him any kind of address because even though I had spent $35 and he could have theoretically paid me back, I didn't care enough to want to see this person ever again.)
I waited in the car for a bit while he changed out the tire and while his "son" was finishing up he came over to me.
Now this is what kind of made me wonder if I should have done what I did and helped him because the man had the audacity to ask me this.
He asked if he could have $5. I got kind of angry at this and thought he was pretty rude for asking considering everything I've done for him at this point. I told him again I didn't have any cash, and I couldn't give him any money. He said he wanted to buy cigarettes and I could use my card. (EXCUSE ME?) Not going to lie, I got pissed. I told him, "I am not buying you cigarettes. I just bought you a $35 tire, and I don't even know you." He could tell I was pissed at him for even asking and he quickly and profusely tried to apologize and say that I already did so much and it was fine and he was just asking and it's okay.
He finished putting the tire on, gave me my jack back, and then I left (with the hope and his promise that he'd take the wrench from the tire place back. I sure hope he did.).
So here's my question to you... in a world where everyone is distrusting of everyone else, where there are so few occasions where others do good deeds because we feel like they are just scamming us, or where we judge someone based on what they look like or how they are dressed, was I being too trusting? Should I have just said "Sorry sucks to be you; I have to go, give me my jack back"? Should I have just ignored his waving and kept driving because he didn't look how a "trustworthy" person looks? Was I being a good samaritan or was I a sucker and being played for a fool by the "Master thug"?
I'd like to think that I was doing the right Christ-like thing and because of that the Lord was watching out for me and made sure nothing bad went down, but honestly I don't know the answer myself.
But what I do know is that it was all because of that damn squirrel.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Because This Is SUPER Important
I'm sure you probably have heard and/or noticed that several sites (including mine) are blacked out/shut down/have pop ups that tell you to contact your congressman to help stop the SOPA and PIPA bill. I can't express enough how devastating this will be if these bills pass as they are. Basically the Internet that we know and love will be censored and shut down. I don't want to go on a rant about copyright law, censorship, and piracy, so I will just stop now (cause y'all know how passionate I am about this issue).
If you are confused at all about what this means or why you should care, watch this video:
PROTECT IP / SOPA Breaks The Internet from Fight for the Future on Vimeo.
Help do your part by protecting your digital freedom of speech and the Internet and contact your congressman.
For more info and to tell your congressman CLICK HERE.
If you are confused at all about what this means or why you should care, watch this video:
PROTECT IP / SOPA Breaks The Internet from Fight for the Future on Vimeo.
Help do your part by protecting your digital freedom of speech and the Internet and contact your congressman.
For more info and to tell your congressman CLICK HERE.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Life has been crazy
I have been behind on a lot of things, blog reading, blog posting, school reading, etc. You know how when people get so much stimuli they just shut down? This month has brought so many changes in my life that I pretty much don't know what to do, so I watch TV or do something very unproductive because I don't actually want to do what I should be doing. I'm starting to get over it, but I just wanted to give a report on said changes, you know in case anyone was curious.
I got a new calling at church. I am now the Relief Society secretary. I'm excited and kind of overwhelmed since the previous secretary was pretty non-existant, so I'm having to basically start from scratch with everything and reorganize everything. I'm hoping things will calm down more and it won't be so much work once I get everything squared away. Let's hope I'm right.
I started my second semester of grad school. I'm still only taking two classes, but they are both going to be very intense, and I might die from the workload. One of them is Digital Textuality, which in all honesty, I'm still not sure what that even means and I'm on my 3rd week of class. It's one of those "we'll figure it out as we go along and decide as a class what we want the requirements to be" kinds of classes, and if you know me but at all you know that I DO NOT do well with those types of things. My other class is about media and democracy/government, and our professor basically told us that we'd spend half of the semester talking about Wikileaks. Again, if you know me but at all, you know I don't like talking about politics and government stuff because, well because it just does not interest me. Also, the workload for this class is a TON of reading, and the professor is one of those that if no one says anything 2 seconds after he asks a question he just calls on someone and puts them on the spot. Ugh. Lord, help me survive this semester. After this I'll just have 3 more to go. YAY!
Today they "restructured" my department at work. Because of the rumor mill, I kind of already knew it was coming and had a pretty good guess about what'd go down. But even despite knowing how it'd probably end up, it still was kind of a shock when it actually happened. It doesn't affect me too much except for the fact that I now have a new boss. We'll see how things go, but it doesn't make me any more excited or happy, I'll tell you that. I'm trying to have a positive outlook on it all (something I'm trying to work on and make a habit as one of my resolutions), but sometimes that is really tough to do.
I'm also starting to contemplate, well more than contemplate, moving out of my parent's house and into an apartment. It probably won't happen until August, but I have to start saving up money and go through things to keep, throw away, or store. I've lived with my parents for 3 and a half years now, and it's definitely time to skedaddle. But, in that 3 and half years, I've collected a lot of crap (not to mention the crap I had brought with me from school). So now I got to go through all of it. I was always planning on moving once I graduated, so I'm just moving out 6 months or so earlier.
Speaking of graduating, I should be graduating by May of 2012, if all goes according to plan (which it sure as heck better especially because of that restructuring I told you about), which means I have to start looking into what I can do with that degree and where I'd like to work/move to etc. Granted this is still aways away, but it's just one more thing I've been thinking about recently.
With all of that said, life has been crazy. Although, I'm not sure I'd like it boring, so I guess crazy is better than that. I might not have much of a social life or blog life this semester (although my school blog will have 2 posts from me every week!), but I will try my best. I hope everyone else is doing great and embracing the new year with excitement. Me? I'm already wanting it to be 2012.
I got a new calling at church. I am now the Relief Society secretary. I'm excited and kind of overwhelmed since the previous secretary was pretty non-existant, so I'm having to basically start from scratch with everything and reorganize everything. I'm hoping things will calm down more and it won't be so much work once I get everything squared away. Let's hope I'm right.
I started my second semester of grad school. I'm still only taking two classes, but they are both going to be very intense, and I might die from the workload. One of them is Digital Textuality, which in all honesty, I'm still not sure what that even means and I'm on my 3rd week of class. It's one of those "we'll figure it out as we go along and decide as a class what we want the requirements to be" kinds of classes, and if you know me but at all you know that I DO NOT do well with those types of things. My other class is about media and democracy/government, and our professor basically told us that we'd spend half of the semester talking about Wikileaks. Again, if you know me but at all, you know I don't like talking about politics and government stuff because, well because it just does not interest me. Also, the workload for this class is a TON of reading, and the professor is one of those that if no one says anything 2 seconds after he asks a question he just calls on someone and puts them on the spot. Ugh. Lord, help me survive this semester. After this I'll just have 3 more to go. YAY!
Today they "restructured" my department at work. Because of the rumor mill, I kind of already knew it was coming and had a pretty good guess about what'd go down. But even despite knowing how it'd probably end up, it still was kind of a shock when it actually happened. It doesn't affect me too much except for the fact that I now have a new boss. We'll see how things go, but it doesn't make me any more excited or happy, I'll tell you that. I'm trying to have a positive outlook on it all (something I'm trying to work on and make a habit as one of my resolutions), but sometimes that is really tough to do.
I'm also starting to contemplate, well more than contemplate, moving out of my parent's house and into an apartment. It probably won't happen until August, but I have to start saving up money and go through things to keep, throw away, or store. I've lived with my parents for 3 and a half years now, and it's definitely time to skedaddle. But, in that 3 and half years, I've collected a lot of crap (not to mention the crap I had brought with me from school). So now I got to go through all of it. I was always planning on moving once I graduated, so I'm just moving out 6 months or so earlier.
Speaking of graduating, I should be graduating by May of 2012, if all goes according to plan (which it sure as heck better especially because of that restructuring I told you about), which means I have to start looking into what I can do with that degree and where I'd like to work/move to etc. Granted this is still aways away, but it's just one more thing I've been thinking about recently.
With all of that said, life has been crazy. Although, I'm not sure I'd like it boring, so I guess crazy is better than that. I might not have much of a social life or blog life this semester (although my school blog will have 2 posts from me every week!), but I will try my best. I hope everyone else is doing great and embracing the new year with excitement. Me? I'm already wanting it to be 2012.
Wednesday, December 01, 2010
You ever have one of those days...
When one problem comes after another and it seems like it won't end and you won't get anything done because you keep having to deal with more things that keep cropping up and so you never finish what you're working on, and you can't focus because you are freaking out about deadlines and pleasing people and making sure you're doing what you're supposed to and that you're counting down the hours until you go home, only to realize that you have more crap waiting for you to do at home, which makes you think that maybe the stuff you're dealing with at the moment isn't actually as bad as you think because at least you're not having to deal with these other things only instead you just end up worrying about it all at the same time so you really don't accomplish or complete anything because you are too scattered and stressed to focus on one thing and you just want the day to be over with even though it seems to drag on and on (much like this sentence) and you just want to be at home in bed on a weekend because it means you've finished all those things you are currently freaking out about and are worry free?
Yeah, I have had that kind of day two days in a row (more so on Tuesday) now. If it happens for a third day in a row, I'm taking a mental health day or week and just staying in bed.
Can you tell I just want it to be Christmas break already?
Yeah, I have had that kind of day two days in a row (more so on Tuesday) now. If it happens for a third day in a row, I'm taking a mental health day or week and just staying in bed.
Can you tell I just want it to be Christmas break already?
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Ok, I Get It--From the Mouth of Babes
So lately I've been receiving the same message in everything I've read or heard. What is it? The importance of being yourself and also accepting others as themselves in turn. Last week I had finished reading a book that talked about this very thing, and then last Sunday at church, one of the speakers gave an excellent talk about loving yourself and loving others. Then, I read my little sister's blog about "Being us." (Side note: she also wrote another post right after that about sisters. It's cute and about me, and apparently without me she'd die. Who knew?)
Marin's post is a little random (very fitting since that's her blog title), but my favorite lines are the following:
"We think that if we have the cutest clothes or we are skinny and rich that we will be excepted (sic). But that is technically untrue. If we just embrace our differences instead of ignoring them we would be us, we would like our selves and if anyone says differently then they have a problem with themselves."
"We try to avoid people who aren't like us but we aren't any different."
"What is the thing you like most about you? mine would be my flaws because with out them I'm not me."
Clearly, someone up there is trying to get it through my thick brain that I need to be more accepting of myself and others. Ok! I get it. I'll try.
Marin's post is a little random (very fitting since that's her blog title), but my favorite lines are the following:
"We think that if we have the cutest clothes or we are skinny and rich that we will be excepted (sic). But that is technically untrue. If we just embrace our differences instead of ignoring them we would be us, we would like our selves and if anyone says differently then they have a problem with themselves."
"We try to avoid people who aren't like us but we aren't any different."
"What is the thing you like most about you? mine would be my flaws because with out them I'm not me."
Clearly, someone up there is trying to get it through my thick brain that I need to be more accepting of myself and others. Ok! I get it. I'll try.
Sunday, January 03, 2010
The Art of Letter Writing
The following was inspired by a piece by Garrison Keillor called "How to Write a Letter":
I feel and fear that the art of letter writing is a lost one. And, it is my duty as a creative-artist type person to try to revive it, or at least not let it die and fade away into oblivion to be forgotten by almost all of the future generation. Yes, if we had really wanted to know up-to-date information of each others' lives, there are plenty of other quicker, more efficient means of doing so than writing a letter. There's email, facebook, twitter, blogs, texts, phone calls (another near-dying means of communication) in which we could learn of each others' lives as they happen.
But, letter writing has nothing to do with that. Yes, perhaps in a more primitive time when the only means of communication was by messenger, the letter was a vehicle of transferring prevalent information. But, really, since the telegram and beyond, there wasn't a real need any more as letter as conduit of information.
Granted, some use it still to inform like for those in third world countries or those cut off from modern conveniences and technologies... like missionaries. But, for the rest of us in the modern, internet-connected world, what is the need for writing letters?
We have so many ways to stay connected to each other that we have lost the very connection that these new technologies were meant to improve and keep in tact.
Which brings me to my point... letter writing. We must go back to the basics, the more primitve, early means of communication to repair the damage done by our own ambition.
Those that have gotten a handwritten letter before can vouch for the giddy, child-like joy and glee you feel when you receive such a thing in the mail. It's almost like waking up on Christmas morning and seeing just what Santa brought you. A letter is something tangible that you can keep forever and show your posterity that people loved and cared enough about you to take the time to sit down and write you a letter.
I don't know about your parents, but my parents lived about an hour away from each other while they were dating. So, to keep the "flame alight," so to speak, they wrote letters. My parents have a box of letters and cards they had sent to each other, and looking at them now helps remind me that my parents were young once, too. I just got to say, it will be incredibly hard to show your kids the facebook messages, emails, and texts you exchanged with their father while you were dating. It's not like you can store them in a hat box in the closet.
How we get to know our ancestors are through their letters, their journals, and their keepsakes that they left behind. How will our future posterity know us? By searching for our abandoned blogs and long forgotten online profile pages? Unless we go and print all of our emails and blog entries, how will anyone know about us? What if the internet isn't around in the future, or at least what we know now as the internet?
To leave our mark on the world, it can't be through our Twitter feed. We must again take up letter writing. Even if it's a short, quick note with only a few lines. The person who receives it will know you cared enough about them to do it and will understand why it had to be short. You'll feel good about yourself as you stamp and mail the letter off.
Why? Because you will not be forgotten; your life will be remembered through the letter, and others you send like it, and you will leave your mark on the world.
Besides...I got to use up these Christmas stamps I have left over from sending cards!
I feel and fear that the art of letter writing is a lost one. And, it is my duty as a creative-artist type person to try to revive it, or at least not let it die and fade away into oblivion to be forgotten by almost all of the future generation. Yes, if we had really wanted to know up-to-date information of each others' lives, there are plenty of other quicker, more efficient means of doing so than writing a letter. There's email, facebook, twitter, blogs, texts, phone calls (another near-dying means of communication) in which we could learn of each others' lives as they happen.
But, letter writing has nothing to do with that. Yes, perhaps in a more primitive time when the only means of communication was by messenger, the letter was a vehicle of transferring prevalent information. But, really, since the telegram and beyond, there wasn't a real need any more as letter as conduit of information.
Granted, some use it still to inform like for those in third world countries or those cut off from modern conveniences and technologies... like missionaries. But, for the rest of us in the modern, internet-connected world, what is the need for writing letters?
We have so many ways to stay connected to each other that we have lost the very connection that these new technologies were meant to improve and keep in tact.
Which brings me to my point... letter writing. We must go back to the basics, the more primitve, early means of communication to repair the damage done by our own ambition.
Those that have gotten a handwritten letter before can vouch for the giddy, child-like joy and glee you feel when you receive such a thing in the mail. It's almost like waking up on Christmas morning and seeing just what Santa brought you. A letter is something tangible that you can keep forever and show your posterity that people loved and cared enough about you to take the time to sit down and write you a letter.
I don't know about your parents, but my parents lived about an hour away from each other while they were dating. So, to keep the "flame alight," so to speak, they wrote letters. My parents have a box of letters and cards they had sent to each other, and looking at them now helps remind me that my parents were young once, too. I just got to say, it will be incredibly hard to show your kids the facebook messages, emails, and texts you exchanged with their father while you were dating. It's not like you can store them in a hat box in the closet.
How we get to know our ancestors are through their letters, their journals, and their keepsakes that they left behind. How will our future posterity know us? By searching for our abandoned blogs and long forgotten online profile pages? Unless we go and print all of our emails and blog entries, how will anyone know about us? What if the internet isn't around in the future, or at least what we know now as the internet?
To leave our mark on the world, it can't be through our Twitter feed. We must again take up letter writing. Even if it's a short, quick note with only a few lines. The person who receives it will know you cared enough about them to do it and will understand why it had to be short. You'll feel good about yourself as you stamp and mail the letter off.
Why? Because you will not be forgotten; your life will be remembered through the letter, and others you send like it, and you will leave your mark on the world.
Besides...I got to use up these Christmas stamps I have left over from sending cards!
Friday, January 01, 2010
Happy New Year's!
It's the first day of 2010, the start of a new decade. Feel any different?
Yeah. Me neither.
I have to say though, looking back on the year, and for sure the decade, I have changed a lot! You have, too; you know you have. I think sometimes we think that in a year we should have been a whole new person, a better person than what we thought of ourselves at the beginning of the year. For the rare few, this actually does happen, but for the rest of us, we come to the start of a new year and feel like the past year was a waste, which is not true, but this new year will be different.
The truth of it is, things happen, life happens, and the goals we made for ourselves in order to achieve the idyllic vision we had of what we would be at the end of the year get adapted or abandoned. It's ok. As humans, we are susceptible to this. We have huge lofty ideas of how things should be or how they'll change, but when it comes down to it, we get lost and more often than not fail.
But, most of us will find our way again, get back on track, and try again because most of us are also really stubborn and resilient. We "won't take no for an answer," and "if at first we don't succeed, we try, try again" because "failure is not an option." It is this trait in us that forces us to make the same goals every year because this year will be different. This year, we'll quit smoking, unlike all the times and years before; this year, we'll loose those 20, 30, 60, 80 pounds, unlike the several attempts we've made in years past; this year, we'll find that special someone, we'll find that better job, we'll be that better person because this year will be different.
And maybe this year will be different for you, but it's up to you on whether or not it actually happens.
For 2010 for whatever goals you've made and resolutions you've resided to accomplish for this year, the key thing to do is have a plan, and then follow up with that plan and adapt it to whatever life throws at you. We tend to make one huge goal that we can't possibly achieve because it is just to hard for our finite selves to grasp. Make a plan, write it out, have a mentor or motivator that will keep you honest, put a reminder wherever you will see it. You might not want to do it now, but your future self will thank you for keeping them on track.
We all fall, we all get behind, but we shouldn't get down on ourselves and completely abandon our goal and give up and say, "Oh well, there's always next year," because we'll never do anything great for ourselves if we turn around and head back to the beginning at the first sign of trouble only to do the same thing the next year. Really make this year different and commit to whatever your resolution is and revisit your progress every month not just at the end of the year.
Don't worry. You can do it because this year will be different.
(Steps off of soapbox)
I will soon be posting my December skill and my recap of 2009 and the decade with a visit to that 2009's resolutions and what I learned and achieved. I'm hoping to get these posted before the end of January, but we'll see. I'll also be posting a whole new set of goals for 2010, so be on the look out because this year will be... awesome! (You thought I was going to say different, huh? Ha ha! Tricked ya!)
Yeah. Me neither.
I have to say though, looking back on the year, and for sure the decade, I have changed a lot! You have, too; you know you have. I think sometimes we think that in a year we should have been a whole new person, a better person than what we thought of ourselves at the beginning of the year. For the rare few, this actually does happen, but for the rest of us, we come to the start of a new year and feel like the past year was a waste, which is not true, but this new year will be different.
The truth of it is, things happen, life happens, and the goals we made for ourselves in order to achieve the idyllic vision we had of what we would be at the end of the year get adapted or abandoned. It's ok. As humans, we are susceptible to this. We have huge lofty ideas of how things should be or how they'll change, but when it comes down to it, we get lost and more often than not fail.
But, most of us will find our way again, get back on track, and try again because most of us are also really stubborn and resilient. We "won't take no for an answer," and "if at first we don't succeed, we try, try again" because "failure is not an option." It is this trait in us that forces us to make the same goals every year because this year will be different. This year, we'll quit smoking, unlike all the times and years before; this year, we'll loose those 20, 30, 60, 80 pounds, unlike the several attempts we've made in years past; this year, we'll find that special someone, we'll find that better job, we'll be that better person because this year will be different.
And maybe this year will be different for you, but it's up to you on whether or not it actually happens.
For 2010 for whatever goals you've made and resolutions you've resided to accomplish for this year, the key thing to do is have a plan, and then follow up with that plan and adapt it to whatever life throws at you. We tend to make one huge goal that we can't possibly achieve because it is just to hard for our finite selves to grasp. Make a plan, write it out, have a mentor or motivator that will keep you honest, put a reminder wherever you will see it. You might not want to do it now, but your future self will thank you for keeping them on track.
We all fall, we all get behind, but we shouldn't get down on ourselves and completely abandon our goal and give up and say, "Oh well, there's always next year," because we'll never do anything great for ourselves if we turn around and head back to the beginning at the first sign of trouble only to do the same thing the next year. Really make this year different and commit to whatever your resolution is and revisit your progress every month not just at the end of the year.
Don't worry. You can do it because this year will be different.
(Steps off of soapbox)
I will soon be posting my December skill and my recap of 2009 and the decade with a visit to that 2009's resolutions and what I learned and achieved. I'm hoping to get these posted before the end of January, but we'll see. I'll also be posting a whole new set of goals for 2010, so be on the look out because this year will be... awesome! (You thought I was going to say different, huh? Ha ha! Tricked ya!)
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Where Has Common Courtesy Gone?
Recently, I attended the midnight showing of New Moon on Thursday. Yes, I attended the midnight showing, and I'm not a teenager. I will have you know I went with my little sister who's 12 and my mom. There were plenty of older ladies there, too, so I am not embarrassed.
Anyway, I knew that because it was a midnight showing, there would be some screaming when it started and when the main guys came on the screen. I knew it was coming, but what I wasn't expecting was screaming and squealing every time Edward or Jacob came on the screen. I'm not even exaggerating, EVERY TIME.
It was especially bad when the people behind us kept talking and screaming after the initial yelling. They were upset every time Taylor Lautner came on with his shirt on; they were yelling "NO!" when Bella and Jacob had near kisses, then yelled "Yes!" when the kiss didn't happen.
What was worse, they were talking about things that weren't even related to the movie we were watching. They were talking about Channing Tatum and the new movie Dear John that he was going to be in. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore so I shushed them. Then they shushed me back. Seriously? You are the ones talking for crying out loud! I'm missing half the cheesy, ridiculous dialogue because you are too ADD and rude to concentrate on the movie at hand.
The constant screaming was annoying, but the incessant talking behind me was aggravating. Do these people not have any common courtesy to quietly enjoy the movie so others can enjoy it too? I've been to plenty of other midnight showings, but this one was the worst. There were hoots and hollars at the beginning of those showings, too, but at least these Spiderman, Star Trek/Wars, Batman, and Lord of the Rings nerds had the common decency and respect for other people to shut up during the rest of the movie.
Then when we left the theater, people didn't have any courtesy then either to let people take turns out of the parking lot. Seriously, people? Why must these people be so rude? We were stuck in our parking spot forever just because there was no one nice enough to let us through. It was ridiculous. Where have kindness, courtesy, and manners gone? And, how do we get it back... or can we? I'll have to see New Moon again to be able to hear the dialogue I missed, although... I think I'm ok with waiting.
Anyway, I knew that because it was a midnight showing, there would be some screaming when it started and when the main guys came on the screen. I knew it was coming, but what I wasn't expecting was screaming and squealing every time Edward or Jacob came on the screen. I'm not even exaggerating, EVERY TIME.
It was especially bad when the people behind us kept talking and screaming after the initial yelling. They were upset every time Taylor Lautner came on with his shirt on; they were yelling "NO!" when Bella and Jacob had near kisses, then yelled "Yes!" when the kiss didn't happen.
What was worse, they were talking about things that weren't even related to the movie we were watching. They were talking about Channing Tatum and the new movie Dear John that he was going to be in. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore so I shushed them. Then they shushed me back. Seriously? You are the ones talking for crying out loud! I'm missing half the cheesy, ridiculous dialogue because you are too ADD and rude to concentrate on the movie at hand.
The constant screaming was annoying, but the incessant talking behind me was aggravating. Do these people not have any common courtesy to quietly enjoy the movie so others can enjoy it too? I've been to plenty of other midnight showings, but this one was the worst. There were hoots and hollars at the beginning of those showings, too, but at least these Spiderman, Star Trek/Wars, Batman, and Lord of the Rings nerds had the common decency and respect for other people to shut up during the rest of the movie.
Then when we left the theater, people didn't have any courtesy then either to let people take turns out of the parking lot. Seriously, people? Why must these people be so rude? We were stuck in our parking spot forever just because there was no one nice enough to let us through. It was ridiculous. Where have kindness, courtesy, and manners gone? And, how do we get it back... or can we? I'll have to see New Moon again to be able to hear the dialogue I missed, although... I think I'm ok with waiting.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Old Soul
My mom has told me several times that I am an "old soul," and that I was 30 years old ever since I was 5. Let me explain: Basically, I have been more mature and knowledgeable than others of my own age. I don't mean this to be boastful, because sometimes I don't like being more mature; it makes things more difficult. It's true, I am an old soul, and there has been several occasions in which I have known this about myself. There have been times where I have given helpful advice or counsel to others even though I had never been through that experience myself. I try not to get caught up into petty, childish problems because I know it's not worth it. And even though I admire this about myself and it helps me sometimes, there are other times when I don't like it.
My maturity makes it difficult to make friends with those of my age. I've almost always had friends who are older than me (or younger, mainly because I feel like I have to protect/take care of them). Even now, the majority of my friends are older than me, and sometimes I feel like my age is holding me back when I'm with them. Because although I act more mature and older, I don't actually have the years of life experience to back up my wisdom.
My old soul also makes it hard to date and find someone I like. Granted, there are other reasons why I probably don't date, but it is also hard to find a guy I could potentially like/go out with. I'm not completely opposed to asking a guy out, but I'd want to ask someone I'm somewhat interested in. But, with my maturity level being higher than most guys my age, most every guy in my ward is not what I want. I want an equal, someone who is just as mature and intelligent as me. I'm really not finding that guy in the rather slim pickings of my branch.
Maybe I'm just being too picky and snobbish. Perhaps I should open up more and be more willing to go out/meet/become friends with a guy that isn't exactly what I'm looking for. Who am I to judge and determine that he isn't mature/smart from the limited interaction I have had with him (although I'm pretty sure you can tell right off the bat for many)? But again, here's where my old soul gets me in trouble. I feel like if I already can tell it's not going to work out, my old soul says, "Why bother trying? It will only be a waste of time."
I don't quite know what to do because sometimes I can't have fun because I'm too mature for my own good. I'm trying to not let myself judge others too quickly, but it's hard. My old soul gets the best of me and thinks it knows better (and perhaps it does). Hopefully, by the time my age catches up to my soul, I won't feel quite so out of place.
Perhaps I just need to find an older man. Now where to find one... Can I buy one at Target?
My maturity makes it difficult to make friends with those of my age. I've almost always had friends who are older than me (or younger, mainly because I feel like I have to protect/take care of them). Even now, the majority of my friends are older than me, and sometimes I feel like my age is holding me back when I'm with them. Because although I act more mature and older, I don't actually have the years of life experience to back up my wisdom.
My old soul also makes it hard to date and find someone I like. Granted, there are other reasons why I probably don't date, but it is also hard to find a guy I could potentially like/go out with. I'm not completely opposed to asking a guy out, but I'd want to ask someone I'm somewhat interested in. But, with my maturity level being higher than most guys my age, most every guy in my ward is not what I want. I want an equal, someone who is just as mature and intelligent as me. I'm really not finding that guy in the rather slim pickings of my branch.
Maybe I'm just being too picky and snobbish. Perhaps I should open up more and be more willing to go out/meet/become friends with a guy that isn't exactly what I'm looking for. Who am I to judge and determine that he isn't mature/smart from the limited interaction I have had with him (although I'm pretty sure you can tell right off the bat for many)? But again, here's where my old soul gets me in trouble. I feel like if I already can tell it's not going to work out, my old soul says, "Why bother trying? It will only be a waste of time."
I don't quite know what to do because sometimes I can't have fun because I'm too mature for my own good. I'm trying to not let myself judge others too quickly, but it's hard. My old soul gets the best of me and thinks it knows better (and perhaps it does). Hopefully, by the time my age catches up to my soul, I won't feel quite so out of place.
Perhaps I just need to find an older man. Now where to find one... Can I buy one at Target?
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Lemonade Can Be Delicious
We've all heard the cliche, "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade." (I'm sure you've heard other twists on it too, but let's not go there.) Although this saying gets used so much that it has become just empty, meaningless words, if we get down to the main message/point of it, it is helpful to us. Really what it comes down to is if something happens to you in your life, you just need to accept it and have it help you, not hinder you.
Sometimes it's easier or makes us feel better to sit there and complain about our circumstances or wallow in self-pity about various trials in our lives. Believe me I know, I'm not above it at all. Happens to me a lot. I think that when things happen in our life that is unwanted or makes life difficult or that are beyond our control, we need to desperately find the silver lining in the cloud or else we'll just be miserable. And who wants to live their life miserable all the time?
I know many people, however, choose instead to keep dwelling on the negative and keep complaining about their lot in life. While all of us feel this way occasionally, a few seem to take it to the extreme. They analyze what they (or someone else) could have done differently or if they hadn't had been at this place or at that time. I think playing with what might have been is a fruitless endeavor. It doesn't get you anywhere, and you don't get anything out of it apart from becoming more upset. A better use of your time would be to find a solution to the problem, to find a way out or to move beyond your current troubles.
Now, I'm not saying you should just be happy all the time and just suck it up. Everyone goes through a grieving/mourning/questioning process when faced with conflict. This is human nature. But, the key is to not dwell too long in this period. Doing so would only make things worse.
Sometimes, when faced with a rather difficult set of circumstances, we tend to reach a stalemate in our progress. We don't quite know what to do or how to handle it, so we are stuck. This is when we need to actively search for the good or the lesson we should be learning from the trial. Only then, once we realize why we are in the situation and what to get from it, can we move on and become a better person. It's hard, yes, and it might take you some time to figure out, but once you do, your life will be better.
Don't fall into the trap of self-pity and self-wallowing. Again, it will get you nowhere, and it will only set you back farther in the grand scheme of things the longer you focus on the negative.
I apologize if this sounds rather preach-y. I mean this as much for myself as my readers. I've just realized that when I dwell in the negative and get complain-y, as I'm want to do, it only makes things worse for me. I too am trying to be more positive when faced with my trials. I hope, and pray things will get better, and then realize if I don't do anything about it, it won't get any better.
Life can make some sweet, delicious lemonade, but it is we who have to squeeze the lemons to make it.
Sometimes it's easier or makes us feel better to sit there and complain about our circumstances or wallow in self-pity about various trials in our lives. Believe me I know, I'm not above it at all. Happens to me a lot. I think that when things happen in our life that is unwanted or makes life difficult or that are beyond our control, we need to desperately find the silver lining in the cloud or else we'll just be miserable. And who wants to live their life miserable all the time?
I know many people, however, choose instead to keep dwelling on the negative and keep complaining about their lot in life. While all of us feel this way occasionally, a few seem to take it to the extreme. They analyze what they (or someone else) could have done differently or if they hadn't had been at this place or at that time. I think playing with what might have been is a fruitless endeavor. It doesn't get you anywhere, and you don't get anything out of it apart from becoming more upset. A better use of your time would be to find a solution to the problem, to find a way out or to move beyond your current troubles.
Now, I'm not saying you should just be happy all the time and just suck it up. Everyone goes through a grieving/mourning/questioning process when faced with conflict. This is human nature. But, the key is to not dwell too long in this period. Doing so would only make things worse.
Sometimes, when faced with a rather difficult set of circumstances, we tend to reach a stalemate in our progress. We don't quite know what to do or how to handle it, so we are stuck. This is when we need to actively search for the good or the lesson we should be learning from the trial. Only then, once we realize why we are in the situation and what to get from it, can we move on and become a better person. It's hard, yes, and it might take you some time to figure out, but once you do, your life will be better.
Don't fall into the trap of self-pity and self-wallowing. Again, it will get you nowhere, and it will only set you back farther in the grand scheme of things the longer you focus on the negative.
I apologize if this sounds rather preach-y. I mean this as much for myself as my readers. I've just realized that when I dwell in the negative and get complain-y, as I'm want to do, it only makes things worse for me. I too am trying to be more positive when faced with my trials. I hope, and pray things will get better, and then realize if I don't do anything about it, it won't get any better.
Life can make some sweet, delicious lemonade, but it is we who have to squeeze the lemons to make it.
Saturday, July 04, 2009
It Is Not Death That A Man Should Fear...
A few days ago, I went to a funeral of someone at church who was a family friend. I didn’t know him that well, but for some reason while I was there, it didn’t matter. I wasn’t expecting to cry so much, but boy did I. It was a wonderful service with very many touching and tender moments. I’ve only been to two other funerals in my life. One was my great grandfather’s when I was about 6, so I don’t remember it at all. The other was my great grandmother when I was a little older, and while I do remember crying and seeing her, I don’t remember the service.
Ok, back to the story. What I loved most about the funeral (believe me, I know how odd and awkward that is to say) was feeling the spirit and feeling a sense of hope. What am I talking about? I mean that although we were honoring someone that lived a good life and unfortunately was no longer with us, we were still here to carry on and live. My favorite belief that I have through the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the knowledge that death is not the end. That after this life we continue on to the spirit world where we give service to others there.
But while we can take comfort in the fact that our loved ones who have passed on just happen to be somewhere else, it still leaves us in the lives we are living now. Attending the funeral helped me get a perspective and a different take on my own life. I heard all of the friends and family of the one who passed saying all of these wonderful things he accomplished and how he impacted the lives of everyone in attendance and then some, and it made me wonder what people would say about me and my life and more of what would I want them to say. Am I living the life that would have people say what I would want them to say when I passed?
Are we living the kind of life that has an impact (hopefully positively) on our friends, family, and others around us? I think we try to avoid thinking about death, mainly because we are so scared of things we don’t know about. But I think sometimes it’s good to remember (not dwell on it, mind you) to remind us every now and again that we need to live our lives the best we can because we might not be here for as long as we think.
It was a good chance for me to reevaluate my life. When I pass (and I’m hoping it will be many many years down the road), I want people to say good things about me, that I was a positive influence in their life, and that my life was something meaningful. Well, if that’s how I want it to be, I need to make sure that I’m living that way for that to happen.
So, my question for you is, what do you want people to say about you at your funeral? Are you living your life so people will say that? If not, change it so they will.
OH, and in case you were wondering, the partial quote that is the blog post title is from Marcus Aurelius: "It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live."
Ok, back to the story. What I loved most about the funeral (believe me, I know how odd and awkward that is to say) was feeling the spirit and feeling a sense of hope. What am I talking about? I mean that although we were honoring someone that lived a good life and unfortunately was no longer with us, we were still here to carry on and live. My favorite belief that I have through the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the knowledge that death is not the end. That after this life we continue on to the spirit world where we give service to others there.
But while we can take comfort in the fact that our loved ones who have passed on just happen to be somewhere else, it still leaves us in the lives we are living now. Attending the funeral helped me get a perspective and a different take on my own life. I heard all of the friends and family of the one who passed saying all of these wonderful things he accomplished and how he impacted the lives of everyone in attendance and then some, and it made me wonder what people would say about me and my life and more of what would I want them to say. Am I living the life that would have people say what I would want them to say when I passed?
Are we living the kind of life that has an impact (hopefully positively) on our friends, family, and others around us? I think we try to avoid thinking about death, mainly because we are so scared of things we don’t know about. But I think sometimes it’s good to remember (not dwell on it, mind you) to remind us every now and again that we need to live our lives the best we can because we might not be here for as long as we think.
It was a good chance for me to reevaluate my life. When I pass (and I’m hoping it will be many many years down the road), I want people to say good things about me, that I was a positive influence in their life, and that my life was something meaningful. Well, if that’s how I want it to be, I need to make sure that I’m living that way for that to happen.
So, my question for you is, what do you want people to say about you at your funeral? Are you living your life so people will say that? If not, change it so they will.
OH, and in case you were wondering, the partial quote that is the blog post title is from Marcus Aurelius: "It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live."
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
One-Year Anniversary
On this day a year ago I started my first, real-life, grown-up, out of college, full-time job. I can't believe it's actually been a year; it feels like it's been shorter and longer at the same time. It's weird and is a really odd feeling. And while I don't like cliches, I'm going to use one anyway:
When I started, I was bright-eyed and bushy-tailed (sorry I had to), excited to start my first real job. I felt that I had to prove myself; I was competent despite my lack of real-world, corporate experience. I was ready to make friends with my co-workers, thinking it would be less like "The Office" and more like "Chuck" (with the lovable guys at the Buy More). I was a little overwhelmed with training and learning all about my new job, benefits, retirement, etc. but still hopeful for the future when I had mastered it all.
Boy, how stupid and naive I truly was... if only I could go back to that innocence now though.
Many things have changed within this year, including myself. While I hate to say it, my work is much more like "The Office" than I'd like (which has made me have an even greater appreciation for the show). I've come to learn that people aren't always how you think they are at first for good and for bad. There were people that I thought we would become friends that ended up not being, people who I thought I wouldn't get along with but instead have become my friends, and still others even now I can't tell.
I realized that sometimes beneath the nice pleasantries and civil chit chats (like my alliteration?) is turmoil, dislike, disdain, and/or indifference, although sometimes it's not. It's only after some time that you find out who you can vent to and who you can't and who is really nice through and through and who isn't.
I discovered that while having doors on your cubicles seems like a great thing in the beginning, you find out quickly it is not (either for yourself or others), which is why the head of our department is now banning the closing of doors unless absolutely necessary. (Don't worry nothing terrible, but people feel less welcome and approachable, and who knows what those people are doing behind that door [ummm not work].)
I learned that there are certain things that really bother me that I never would have thought would have had it not been for my co-workers doing them all the time getting on my nerves (like talking loudly in their cube on personal calls, banging loudly on the computer, and rubbing their hands together). (Side note: the rubbing the hands thing is like nails on a chalkboard almost for me, weird, huh?)
I noticed that bosses are interesting creatures each with their own set of managerial styles (or lack there of) and how they act in the hallways (not in meetings) truly effects the mood of their employees and the office in general. One or two managers always say hi and talk with people, therefore buoying up their employees and making everyone else feel welcome and appreciated. One avoids eye contact and communication in passing, focusing on that one thing she needs or one place to get to, which in turn closes off her employees and results in a lack of communication. One boss seems friendly and welcoming, but when push comes to shove and he has to answer a question about something, he refers to the higher up and/or puts it back on the employee, thereby making the employee feel he can't come to him since he is not knowledgeable about the job.
I have come to learn that the average American business employee loves their coffee and their alcohol (two things of which I hate, which also "alienates" me even more from the office crowd). The coffee pot (which is a high point of conflict, apparently; there's signs every where around it regarding the use and clean up of said coffee machine; really the whole break room area--sink, fridge, water cooler, microwave, toaster oven--is a point of conflict) is constantly running all day. Every company party/event always has alcohol of some kind, which is sometimes funny, sometimes not. A few others love their cigarettes and the "breaks" that come with them too, but not the whole office, thank goodness.
The business world is more of a survival of the fittest type, dog eat dog world (more cliches, I know) than I'd like. While my company is nothing to the extreme (I mean we're a non-profit after all), I am just noticing things about people used to this sort of thing that makes me wonder if I'm even cut out for it all. The thing is, yes, I want to prove myself and get that promotion or raise or what have you, and I want to make sure that my work is noticed and appreciated. However, I don't want to have to go about getting there by being rude and mean and nasty and cutthroat because that is not how I roll. But, does that mean because I'm that way, I'll never get ahead?
I don't think so. As I started working more and more, I noticed that I was changing and I was being meaner (not necessarily to people, but it was the things I thought in my head), and I didn't like that change in myself. I'm trying to be better and retain my sweet, partially innocent self I had and to not let the competitiveness of it all swallow me whole. I think I can still get ahead in life being the same way I am; it might take me longer, but I'll get there, and I'll get there the right, honest way. And in the end, not only will I feel better about myself because of it, I'll be blessed more too.
While I could complain (and have) about my job, co-workers, boss, etc., I have learned a lot and am still learning, which I love. And really, I'm just thankful I have such a great job at all in this crappy economy. Praise the Lord!
When I started, I was bright-eyed and bushy-tailed (sorry I had to), excited to start my first real job. I felt that I had to prove myself; I was competent despite my lack of real-world, corporate experience. I was ready to make friends with my co-workers, thinking it would be less like "The Office" and more like "Chuck" (with the lovable guys at the Buy More). I was a little overwhelmed with training and learning all about my new job, benefits, retirement, etc. but still hopeful for the future when I had mastered it all.
Boy, how stupid and naive I truly was... if only I could go back to that innocence now though.
Many things have changed within this year, including myself. While I hate to say it, my work is much more like "The Office" than I'd like (which has made me have an even greater appreciation for the show). I've come to learn that people aren't always how you think they are at first for good and for bad. There were people that I thought we would become friends that ended up not being, people who I thought I wouldn't get along with but instead have become my friends, and still others even now I can't tell.
I realized that sometimes beneath the nice pleasantries and civil chit chats (like my alliteration?) is turmoil, dislike, disdain, and/or indifference, although sometimes it's not. It's only after some time that you find out who you can vent to and who you can't and who is really nice through and through and who isn't.
I discovered that while having doors on your cubicles seems like a great thing in the beginning, you find out quickly it is not (either for yourself or others), which is why the head of our department is now banning the closing of doors unless absolutely necessary. (Don't worry nothing terrible, but people feel less welcome and approachable, and who knows what those people are doing behind that door [ummm not work].)
I learned that there are certain things that really bother me that I never would have thought would have had it not been for my co-workers doing them all the time getting on my nerves (like talking loudly in their cube on personal calls, banging loudly on the computer, and rubbing their hands together). (Side note: the rubbing the hands thing is like nails on a chalkboard almost for me, weird, huh?)
I noticed that bosses are interesting creatures each with their own set of managerial styles (or lack there of) and how they act in the hallways (not in meetings) truly effects the mood of their employees and the office in general. One or two managers always say hi and talk with people, therefore buoying up their employees and making everyone else feel welcome and appreciated. One avoids eye contact and communication in passing, focusing on that one thing she needs or one place to get to, which in turn closes off her employees and results in a lack of communication. One boss seems friendly and welcoming, but when push comes to shove and he has to answer a question about something, he refers to the higher up and/or puts it back on the employee, thereby making the employee feel he can't come to him since he is not knowledgeable about the job.
I have come to learn that the average American business employee loves their coffee and their alcohol (two things of which I hate, which also "alienates" me even more from the office crowd). The coffee pot (which is a high point of conflict, apparently; there's signs every where around it regarding the use and clean up of said coffee machine; really the whole break room area--sink, fridge, water cooler, microwave, toaster oven--is a point of conflict) is constantly running all day. Every company party/event always has alcohol of some kind, which is sometimes funny, sometimes not. A few others love their cigarettes and the "breaks" that come with them too, but not the whole office, thank goodness.
The business world is more of a survival of the fittest type, dog eat dog world (more cliches, I know) than I'd like. While my company is nothing to the extreme (I mean we're a non-profit after all), I am just noticing things about people used to this sort of thing that makes me wonder if I'm even cut out for it all. The thing is, yes, I want to prove myself and get that promotion or raise or what have you, and I want to make sure that my work is noticed and appreciated. However, I don't want to have to go about getting there by being rude and mean and nasty and cutthroat because that is not how I roll. But, does that mean because I'm that way, I'll never get ahead?
I don't think so. As I started working more and more, I noticed that I was changing and I was being meaner (not necessarily to people, but it was the things I thought in my head), and I didn't like that change in myself. I'm trying to be better and retain my sweet, partially innocent self I had and to not let the competitiveness of it all swallow me whole. I think I can still get ahead in life being the same way I am; it might take me longer, but I'll get there, and I'll get there the right, honest way. And in the end, not only will I feel better about myself because of it, I'll be blessed more too.
While I could complain (and have) about my job, co-workers, boss, etc., I have learned a lot and am still learning, which I love. And really, I'm just thankful I have such a great job at all in this crappy economy. Praise the Lord!
Monday, June 08, 2009
My Recent Epiphany--Part 2
Again, I apologize for my delay in blog posts. This last week was my brother's graduation and my other brother's Eagle scout court of honor. Many of my extended family were in town, and I'm sure you can imagine the drama and stress in my household before and during their stay. But, now that the family events are over and done with, it's time to get down to business.
I had a previous post about a recent realization that I had. I had just had a horrible experience at the doctor's office, and it started getting me thinking. This next part was the second "event" that led to my epiphany:
I've never really be a huge fan of "reality" TV shows. I think I watched a few episodes of the first few seasons of Survivor, Big Brother, Amazing Race, American Idol, and the Bachelor (and perhaps a few others I can't remember now). These types of shows did't really grab my attention like it has for others. However, this past season of The Biggest Loser (Season 7) had obtained my faithful viewership every Tuesday. I had heard of the show before, but I'd never actually watched an episode. For some reason, I had been hooked, along with my family, and we watched every episode (occasionally on Hulu a week later if we missed it).
While, like any other reality TV show, the Biggest Loser has it's fair share of drama and build up of suspense between commercial breaks, it also has the feeling of inspiration and hope that some reality television shows lack. Sometimes it was a bit much, and boy did NBC lay it on thick with a few episodes (especially towards the end of the season), but it still got to me. I watched this show week after week thinking that while I wasn't secluded on a ranch with exercise equipment and my own personal trainer, I could still be doing something. Of course, I thought this as I was sitting on the couch watching the show eating dinner or ice cream/cake.
Every episode ended with a call to action for home viewers to loose weight at home and report their weight loss online. For every pound the American public lost (and reported) they would donate one pound of groceries to Feeding America (the Pound for Pound challenge). Not only would you be doing a good thing for yourself (losing weight), you would also be helping your fellow man. I mean, who really needs that double cheeseburger: your obese self, or the starving single mother with three kids? Yeah... really gets you thinking.
So after episode after episode, the cheesy inspirational music and admonitions from newly ejected contestants that "if they could do it, so could you," I decided I really could do it. It wasn't quite enough just yet (no this was not the epiphany), but it was the slope that helped the ball continue rolling.
Stay tuned, the final "Aha" moment is coming...
I had a previous post about a recent realization that I had. I had just had a horrible experience at the doctor's office, and it started getting me thinking. This next part was the second "event" that led to my epiphany:
I've never really be a huge fan of "reality" TV shows. I think I watched a few episodes of the first few seasons of Survivor, Big Brother, Amazing Race, American Idol, and the Bachelor (and perhaps a few others I can't remember now). These types of shows did't really grab my attention like it has for others. However, this past season of The Biggest Loser (Season 7) had obtained my faithful viewership every Tuesday. I had heard of the show before, but I'd never actually watched an episode. For some reason, I had been hooked, along with my family, and we watched every episode (occasionally on Hulu a week later if we missed it).
While, like any other reality TV show, the Biggest Loser has it's fair share of drama and build up of suspense between commercial breaks, it also has the feeling of inspiration and hope that some reality television shows lack. Sometimes it was a bit much, and boy did NBC lay it on thick with a few episodes (especially towards the end of the season), but it still got to me. I watched this show week after week thinking that while I wasn't secluded on a ranch with exercise equipment and my own personal trainer, I could still be doing something. Of course, I thought this as I was sitting on the couch watching the show eating dinner or ice cream/cake.
Every episode ended with a call to action for home viewers to loose weight at home and report their weight loss online. For every pound the American public lost (and reported) they would donate one pound of groceries to Feeding America (the Pound for Pound challenge). Not only would you be doing a good thing for yourself (losing weight), you would also be helping your fellow man. I mean, who really needs that double cheeseburger: your obese self, or the starving single mother with three kids? Yeah... really gets you thinking.
So after episode after episode, the cheesy inspirational music and admonitions from newly ejected contestants that "if they could do it, so could you," I decided I really could do it. It wasn't quite enough just yet (no this was not the epiphany), but it was the slope that helped the ball continue rolling.
Stay tuned, the final "Aha" moment is coming...
Sunday, May 10, 2009
My Recent Epiphany--Part 1
So a few weeks back I had a realization, an epiphany, a revelation of sorts, if you will, and after slowly comprehending what it all meant for me I feel I really need to write it all out. It wasn't really an all at once kind of thing, although when it did finally all fit into place and I had my "aha" moment, it did happen at once. There were several events that occurred that helped me reach my realization. This next part is the first event that got the ball rolling.
My ear had been hurting all weekend and while the pain was starting to subside, I decided it was best to see my doctor anyway just in case it was something serious that I needed medicine for (your ear hurting is something WebMD always tells you to go see a doctor about). So on Monday I called the doctor and set up an appointment for that day during work.
Let me give you some background about this doctor. I've only been to him one other time, which was a year ago. He's my dad's doctor, and the one time I did see him I didn't like him. He has a horrible bedside manner and knows nothing about not invading personal space and bubbles when he's talking with you. Despite my dislike towards him, he was the only other doctor I knew my insurance covered, and I figured since I had seen him before, at least I wouldn't have to fill out a medical history and all that over again.
After coming back from the doctor, I was so angry with what happened that I had to write it all out. This is what I wrote:
Look, I know I am fat, ok. I know that while I have been living at home I have gained weight. I know I need to eat better, and I know I need to exercise. I know, I know, I KNOW! You don't need to keep telling me that I've gained weight. You don't need to remind me that I should watch what I eat and exercise. You don't have to give me your "tried and true" method of loosing weight by cutting out carbs. I already hear it at home from my parents and my family (and for my whole life); I already know for myself the problem I have with my weight. The more you keep telling me, the more angry and frustrated I become.
Don't you think I'm already mad and beating myself up about this? I know you mean well; I understand you are "just trying to help," but stop. Hearing that I need to loose weight from a nurse I've never met and from a doctor I've only met once and don't like isn't going to help me understand better or help the situation, or make me loose the weight. I didn't come see you, the doctor, to lecture me on my obesity and the fact that if I don't take care of it, I will have more problems down the road. I already know all that.
You know what I did come down here and pay 20 bucks for? For you to make my EAR stop hurting, and you couldn't even do that. You sent me on my way with the name of an over-the-counter earwax remover drop, a lecture, and with $20 less in my pocket, telling me that in a week I should come and spend another 20 bucks for you to look at it again.
I knew I should have just waited it out, not gone to see you, and bought the same drops myself without you having to take my money as well. Thanks a lot, Doc, for all your useless help. I really appreciate it.
My ear had been hurting all weekend and while the pain was starting to subside, I decided it was best to see my doctor anyway just in case it was something serious that I needed medicine for (your ear hurting is something WebMD always tells you to go see a doctor about). So on Monday I called the doctor and set up an appointment for that day during work.
Let me give you some background about this doctor. I've only been to him one other time, which was a year ago. He's my dad's doctor, and the one time I did see him I didn't like him. He has a horrible bedside manner and knows nothing about not invading personal space and bubbles when he's talking with you. Despite my dislike towards him, he was the only other doctor I knew my insurance covered, and I figured since I had seen him before, at least I wouldn't have to fill out a medical history and all that over again.
After coming back from the doctor, I was so angry with what happened that I had to write it all out. This is what I wrote:
Look, I know I am fat, ok. I know that while I have been living at home I have gained weight. I know I need to eat better, and I know I need to exercise. I know, I know, I KNOW! You don't need to keep telling me that I've gained weight. You don't need to remind me that I should watch what I eat and exercise. You don't have to give me your "tried and true" method of loosing weight by cutting out carbs. I already hear it at home from my parents and my family (and for my whole life); I already know for myself the problem I have with my weight. The more you keep telling me, the more angry and frustrated I become.
Don't you think I'm already mad and beating myself up about this? I know you mean well; I understand you are "just trying to help," but stop. Hearing that I need to loose weight from a nurse I've never met and from a doctor I've only met once and don't like isn't going to help me understand better or help the situation, or make me loose the weight. I didn't come see you, the doctor, to lecture me on my obesity and the fact that if I don't take care of it, I will have more problems down the road. I already know all that.
You know what I did come down here and pay 20 bucks for? For you to make my EAR stop hurting, and you couldn't even do that. You sent me on my way with the name of an over-the-counter earwax remover drop, a lecture, and with $20 less in my pocket, telling me that in a week I should come and spend another 20 bucks for you to look at it again.
I knew I should have just waited it out, not gone to see you, and bought the same drops myself without you having to take my money as well. Thanks a lot, Doc, for all your useless help. I really appreciate it.
Thursday, May 07, 2009
A Teacher's Plea
I recently sat in on another teacher's Sunday School class, which was covering the same lesson I taught the week before. It was an interesting experience. Because I had already read the material, I knew the object lesson point and I knew the answers to her questions and what she was going to talk about next.
At first, I was trying to "show her up" (because I was being arrogant) by saying her next question or next point. I could tell that my neighbor was getting annoyed so I stopped. Then I started realizing that even though I knew her next points and her subject matter, the comments of the class members are what made things more interesting to me. Everyone in this class has different life experiences that gives them unique and different perspectives to the subject. It is because of these different comments that helps make the class interesting and more helpful to other class members.
As a teacher, I absolutely love it when I have class members comment because 1) I'm not standing up there talking the whole time, and 2) because my class members might have better insight and have something more profound than what I'm saying.
So, please if you feel like you should add to the disscussion or you think of something to say, say it. No matter what it is, because it could help someone else in the class, or sometimes the class just needs a good laugh to get the blood flowing.
At first, I was trying to "show her up" (because I was being arrogant) by saying her next question or next point. I could tell that my neighbor was getting annoyed so I stopped. Then I started realizing that even though I knew her next points and her subject matter, the comments of the class members are what made things more interesting to me. Everyone in this class has different life experiences that gives them unique and different perspectives to the subject. It is because of these different comments that helps make the class interesting and more helpful to other class members.
As a teacher, I absolutely love it when I have class members comment because 1) I'm not standing up there talking the whole time, and 2) because my class members might have better insight and have something more profound than what I'm saying.
So, please if you feel like you should add to the disscussion or you think of something to say, say it. No matter what it is, because it could help someone else in the class, or sometimes the class just needs a good laugh to get the blood flowing.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
April--Change a Tire/Car Maintenance
For my April resolution, I decided to ask my dad to teach me basic car maintenance like how to change a tire, jump start a car, etc. I've only had a flat tire two times in my life that I can remember, and both times there was a male with me or nearby that could help a sister out.
Since I'm planning on getting my own car soon and trying to be more knowledgeable and independent, I thought it would be best for me to know these things. There's not always going to be someone around to help me change a tire, so I should know how just in case.
Since I'm planning on getting my own car soon and trying to be more knowledgeable and independent, I thought it would be best for me to know these things. There's not always going to be someone around to help me change a tire, so I should know how just in case.
So on Saturday morning, my dad helped me change a tire.
Of course, part way through my across-the-street neighbor, who's a mechanic, decided to come over to impart his knowledge on to me. I'll admit it was kind of annoying and confusing to have two guys telling me what to do as I was trying to pick up the tire to put it back on the car. (Oh, and in case you're curious, this is the same neighbor I sold my car to.)
Although I had to stand on the wrench at first to loosen the lugnuts because my arms weren't strong enough, it actually wasn't as hard or difficult as I thought it would be.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
March--Taxes
For my March resolution, I decided that now that I am an adult with a full-time job, I should learn how to do my taxes. My dad has always filed them for me. So, this time I would sit with my dad as he filed them so that I can know what to do so that I could do it by myself next time around. I sat down with all of my paperwork ready, excited, and nervous to get started.
My dad's all about the e-file with TurboTax, so doing my taxes wasn't actually that hard. You just have to go through and answer all the questions and input all of the info. Everything was going so well until I saw this:
I OWED MONEY! That can't possiblly be! I made my dad go through and redo it like 5 times and it turned out the same. Apparently, it was because my parents claimed me on their taxes. If they hadn't I would have gotten a very small refund.
I also had to file Utah state taxes because I worked there for part of the year. I owed money then too. More than federal actually. Utah taxes suck. I was so expecting a refund, but I had to pay instead. Because of this disappointment, I decided to continue my dancing and flirting from February. I didn't really do a whole lot with it though. So, I guess March was kind of a wrap up/break. Now that March is over, I'm now ready for an exciting April. April's resolution will be forthcoming.
My dad's all about the e-file with TurboTax, so doing my taxes wasn't actually that hard. You just have to go through and answer all the questions and input all of the info. Everything was going so well until I saw this:I OWED MONEY! That can't possiblly be! I made my dad go through and redo it like 5 times and it turned out the same. Apparently, it was because my parents claimed me on their taxes. If they hadn't I would have gotten a very small refund.I also had to file Utah state taxes because I worked there for part of the year. I owed money then too. More than federal actually. Utah taxes suck. I was so expecting a refund, but I had to pay instead. Because of this disappointment, I decided to continue my dancing and flirting from February. I didn't really do a whole lot with it though. So, I guess March was kind of a wrap up/break. Now that March is over, I'm now ready for an exciting April. April's resolution will be forthcoming.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
More than Just Movies and Editing
I know that it might sound a little far-fetched, but there really is more to me than grammar and movies. What are you talking about, Mattie? Well, let me explain with two examples. My boss whenever he makes "small talk" with me asks me either about Utah (since I went to BYU) or if I'd seen any movies lately. Every time.
Second example: there's this one guy (same guy that noticed my haircut at the dance) that whenever he sees me and talks with me, he always asks me about grammar rules. Every time. I realize that movies and editing/grammar are very much a part of what I am, but I do have other interests and skills.
It's almost as if they don't want to get to know me more, so they stick with asking me about what they already know about me. Ok, fine you don't have to get to know me and we don't have to become best friends. But asking me the same questions every time you see me does not make me feel like answering you. The least you could do is ask me about something else. "What other things do you like?" "What are some of your hobbies?" How hard is that? Seriously? If you are going to ask me the same questions, when I know you don't really care about the answers, you might as well not even ask/talk to me.
But, if you are willing to know a little more about me than my opinions/knowledge of movies and grammar, please come talk to me. I'd love to share with you my knowledge/opinions on other things like books, TV shows, crafts, art, games, etc. I promise I am an interesting person. There is more to me than movie trivia and grammar. Really. All you have to do is ask.
Second example: there's this one guy (same guy that noticed my haircut at the dance) that whenever he sees me and talks with me, he always asks me about grammar rules. Every time. I realize that movies and editing/grammar are very much a part of what I am, but I do have other interests and skills.
It's almost as if they don't want to get to know me more, so they stick with asking me about what they already know about me. Ok, fine you don't have to get to know me and we don't have to become best friends. But asking me the same questions every time you see me does not make me feel like answering you. The least you could do is ask me about something else. "What other things do you like?" "What are some of your hobbies?" How hard is that? Seriously? If you are going to ask me the same questions, when I know you don't really care about the answers, you might as well not even ask/talk to me.
But, if you are willing to know a little more about me than my opinions/knowledge of movies and grammar, please come talk to me. I'd love to share with you my knowledge/opinions on other things like books, TV shows, crafts, art, games, etc. I promise I am an interesting person. There is more to me than movie trivia and grammar. Really. All you have to do is ask.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Are guys really that oblivious?
A few months ago I got a haircut. It was a pretty drastic cut from what I had before, and I liked it. I went to a YSA dance (yeah the same one that had crappy music; I have alot of blog ideas for this one night) and wondered to myself who all would notice. I figured that most of my girlfriends would say something, but would any of the guys say anything? I kind of assumed none of the guys would notice; although, I did have one guy comment on my new "do."
This makes me wonder, why is it that guys don't seem to notice things like haircuts? I mean obviously it's not true for all of them because I did have one notice, which then makes me think, perhaps they do notice, but they don't want to say anything. They don't want to seem "womanly." So which is it? Are guys really that oblivious, or is it they don't want to seem like a girl?
It seems as if it is one of those eternal truths/well-known facts that guys are just not as observant as gals, but with every rule comes an exception. I think that most guys do in fact notice things like haircuts, new clothing, etc., but not all of them say something about it. Perhaps they don't think that it's that important to say something about it. Maybe they actually don't like this new thing, so to avoid getting asked, "What do you think?" or "Do you like it?" they just pretend they don't even notice something's different. Then there's what I thought earlier, because girls do tend to notice things more than guys, men fake obliviousness to remain manly.
I'm not sure I'll ever answer this question because I'm sure you all can tell me examples of when a guy really didn't notice something, or when he did notice and comment. But, feel free to tell me these examples anyway. Let's try to get somewhere with this "chicken or the egg" type question: Are guys really that oblivious?
This makes me wonder, why is it that guys don't seem to notice things like haircuts? I mean obviously it's not true for all of them because I did have one notice, which then makes me think, perhaps they do notice, but they don't want to say anything. They don't want to seem "womanly." So which is it? Are guys really that oblivious, or is it they don't want to seem like a girl?
It seems as if it is one of those eternal truths/well-known facts that guys are just not as observant as gals, but with every rule comes an exception. I think that most guys do in fact notice things like haircuts, new clothing, etc., but not all of them say something about it. Perhaps they don't think that it's that important to say something about it. Maybe they actually don't like this new thing, so to avoid getting asked, "What do you think?" or "Do you like it?" they just pretend they don't even notice something's different. Then there's what I thought earlier, because girls do tend to notice things more than guys, men fake obliviousness to remain manly.
I'm not sure I'll ever answer this question because I'm sure you all can tell me examples of when a guy really didn't notice something, or when he did notice and comment. But, feel free to tell me these examples anyway. Let's try to get somewhere with this "chicken or the egg" type question: Are guys really that oblivious?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)