My Recent Epiphany--Part 1

So a few weeks back I had a realization, an epiphany, a revelation of sorts, if you will, and after slowly comprehending what it all meant for me I feel I really need to write it all out. It wasn't really an all at once kind of thing, although when it did finally all fit into place and I had my "aha" moment, it did happen at once. There were several events that occurred that helped me reach my realization. This next part is the first event that got the ball rolling.

My ear had been hurting all weekend and while the pain was starting to subside, I decided it was best to see my doctor anyway just in case it was something serious that I needed medicine for (your ear hurting is something WebMD always tells you to go see a doctor about). So on Monday I called the doctor and set up an appointment for that day during work.

Let me give you some background about this doctor. I've only been to him one other time, which was a year ago. He's my dad's doctor, and the one time I did see him I didn't like him. He has a horrible bedside manner and knows nothing about not invading personal space and bubbles when he's talking with you. Despite my dislike towards him, he was the only other doctor I knew my insurance covered, and I figured since I had seen him before, at least I wouldn't have to fill out a medical history and all that over again.

After coming back from the doctor, I was so angry with what happened that I had to write it all out. This is what I wrote:

Look, I know I am fat, ok. I know that while I have been living at home I have gained weight. I know I need to eat better, and I know I need to exercise. I know, I know, I KNOW! You don't need to keep telling me that I've gained weight. You don't need to remind me that I should watch what I eat and exercise. You don't have to give me your "tried and true" method of loosing weight by cutting out carbs. I already hear it at home from my parents and my family (and for my whole life); I already know for myself the problem I have with my weight. The more you keep telling me, the more angry and frustrated I become.

Don't you think I'm already mad and beating myself up about this? I know you mean well; I understand you are "just trying to help," but stop. Hearing that I need to loose weight from a nurse I've never met and from a doctor I've only met once and don't like isn't going to help me understand better or help the situation, or make me loose the weight. I didn't come see you, the doctor, to lecture me on my obesity and the fact that if I don't take care of it, I will have more problems down the road. I already know all that.

You know what I did come down here and pay 20 bucks for? For you to make my EAR stop hurting, and you couldn't even do that. You sent me on my way with the name of an over-the-counter earwax remover drop, a lecture, and with $20 less in my pocket, telling me that in a week I should come and spend another 20 bucks for you to look at it again.

I knew I should have just waited it out, not gone to see you, and bought the same drops myself without you having to take my money as well. Thanks a lot, Doc, for all your useless help. I really appreciate it.