Sunday, March 28, 2010

The E Files--Part 7: That Was Fun While It Lasted

Last time on E Files, Agent Mattie had made contact! She was on to something with the alien species, and she was thinking maybe the experiment had not been a total loss after all. After communicating briefly with this male, Mattie waited for him to make the next move/effort to continue communication. Would he make contact again? Let's find out:

After deciding that if this guy wanted to talk with me, it would be up to him, I kind of wondered if he actually would or not. I knew he was on vacation watching the Olympics so he was busy, so I tried not to think about whether or not he'd ever text me back.

Then, on Sunday (so 4 days after we had first texted each other) as I'm getting ready for church, I receive a text message from him: "Hey Mattie! I'm back from the Olympics. How r ya?"

I'll be honest, I was kind of giddy, which looking back was rather silly of me. I was at least surprised that he actually texted me back, which to me meant he was at least somewhat interested. I think I replied with something like I was doing great and then asked him what events he saw and how it was. He replied with:
"It was fun but I'm glad to be on my way back home. USA-Norway hockey, short track speedskating last nite, a medals ceremony."

I then, trying to be funny, asked if he had to listen to those annoying commentators like I would have to while watching it on TV.

He answered: "Yeah no." and then he added, "Hey do u have pix messaging? I still don't know what u look like."

Oh. Ummm. So he didn't see my picture on my profile then. When I got this text, that's when my giddyness left and instead I was rather crestfallen. I had really thought that maybe things would be different, maybe this guy was different. I had thought that since he had sent me questions after the free communication weekend that he had been a paying member and that he had seen my picture. Apparently this was not so.

I, however, had seen what he looked like because I had used my crafty, ingenious ways to look him up on Facebook. After seeing his pictures, I thought he seemed ok. He wasn't hot or anything, but I was willing to see past that because I am a good person. Yeah he might not have the looks of a model, but from his profile and the limited communication I had had with him, he seemed like a decent fellow. I should have gotten my clue after looking at his Facebook albums though. Why? Well, you'll find out.

So, after getting his request for a picture, I realized that the whole thing was too good to be true. I knew that once I had sent him my picture he would think, "Oh. Yeah. Well it was nice chatting with you" and close communication. Then after debating on what I should do--Should I lie and say I didn't have picture capability or that I was somewhere where I couldn't take a picture (which would only prolong the inevitable)?--I decided he was going to figure out what I looked like sooner or later, so I might as well send it.

It was then that I realized something. Yeah, I may not be the hottest girl ever, or even a really cute one, but there was obviously something about my personality that appealed to him or else he would not have sent me those questions. So if after receiving my picture he decides not to continue talking to me, it was his loss, and I wasn't going to let it bother me. He wasn't someone I wanted to waste my time with anyway if that was the case. So I sent him my picture.

Well, it was good that I had made my realization because as it turns out he was the guy I didn't want to waste my time with. He told me thanks for sending it and that he was there to make friends. I replied that I was on their for friends too and asked him another question, and I haven't heard from him since.

Which at first is kind of sad (cause obviously he lied about being friends first cause he would have tried to keep texting a little bit then), but it is okay and probably for the best. Why waste time and energy on something that will not end up being anything (which might have been his reasoning for not texting back)? I'm okay with how things turned out because I started this whole thing to find out more about it as an experiment anyway. I guess I had a tiny little hope that maybe something would come out of the experiment, but in a way I'm glad that I didn't invest much more of my hope in the whole thing anyway.

I did have fun though while it lasted. It was fun to get matches and read funny profiles. It was even fun to actually talk with someone for a little bit even if nothing resulted from it. But, the question remains, now what?

Stay tuned for the concluding post of The E Files. It has Agent Mattie's final thoughts, and one last great adventure, for you see, another free communication weekend occurred, and she made contact with another of the male species, and it goes a little further than with this guy...

Sunday, March 21, 2010

The E Files--Part 6: An Interesting Turn of Events

Previously on E Files, Agent Mattie was feeling a bit down after receiving many rejections from her matches. She was ready to call her experiment quits. She had gotten a good laugh or two, had gained some new experience in the alien world of online dating, and had learned what she could about the species. The free communication weekend had ended, and she figured it was time to shut down the experiment. Little did she know what was about to happen next:

I'll be honest, I had fun reading all the profiles. Yeah, it was kind of disappointing to be rejected, but it was an interesting experience. With the free communication weekend being over, I figured I'd close out my account because I sure as heck wasn't going to pay money for an actual subscription. But then I thought, maybe I'll just keep it open and see if I get any more funny matches.

Then, the day after the free communication weekend ended, I get an email from eHarmony saying that one of my matches wanted to communicate with me and that he had sent me questions.

At first I got really excited, and then immediately after I thought, "Well great. I can't answer him back." I still didn't think it was worth it for me to pay the money to answer his questions, so I was sort of at a loss for what to do. After reading his profile again, he seemed like a nice enough guy, and I didn't want to leave him hanging. I didn't know what to do.

But then, I noticed that he had creatively left his email address in his profile (you can't put your actual email address or else eHarmony will delete it for you; it's for your protection). So I decided I would email him the answers to his questions and just explain that I wasn't a paying member so I couldn't respond through eHarmony. Here's what I said (and you can see what questions he asked):
"I'm sorry, I don't have a paid subscription, and the free communication weekend just ended. But, I didn't want to leave you hanging wondering why I never answered the questions. I hope it's okay that I'm emailing you with the address you had on your profile. Here's those questions:
1. What best describes your parents' relationship towards each other:
* married and loving
* married but distant
* divorced and civil
* divorced and abusive
* Other:
2. How trusting are you?
* sometimes I'm too naive
* I trust people and am able to forgive them when wronged
* I trust people until they prove me wrong, then it is hard to trust again
* people are dishonest by nature, you need to be careful
* Other: I think it's more of a mix of the 2nd and 3rd options. I am a very trusting person and can forgive someone when they've wronged me. But, it's always hard to build that trust again, and especially if it's happened multiple times, it makes it that much harder to trust them.
3. Which sort of date sounds like the most fun to you?
* attend a lecture on a topic that appeals to both of you
* go bargain hunting at a local flea market or antique shop
* go bowling (Although I will say all of them sound pretty fun, it just depends on what I'm in the mood for. But, bowling would have to be the most fun.)
* visit a local comedy club
* Other
4. How often do you exercise?
*Once a week
*Two or three times a week (More like 4 times a week)
*Every Day
5. What's your philosophy on travel?
* When are we leaving? My bags are packed.
* I like to take a couple big trips each year.
* I generally plan one trip each year to a domestic destination.
* I'm not a big fan of travel. I like to stay close to home.
* Other: I'd love to travel all of the time, but my monetary funds have suggested otherwise. I usually try to go on at least 1 out of state trip a year (and then take a few mini "stay-cations" if I can, too).
Anyway, I hope this helps. You won't hurt my feelings if you never answer me, I just felt bad about leaving you hanging without any answers to these questions! I'm open to any others if you have more. If I don't hear from you, it was nice to sort of kind of meet you at least by reading your profile and for sort of kind of chatting through 5 close-ended questions, and good luck with your search.
~Mattie from Texas"

Now for the most part, the questions were understandable. The exercise one was a bit odd, and I kind of knew what he was getting at. But, I figured he had seen my profile and still wanted to know me more, right? Well, surprisingly enough, he answered me back: "Mattie, Thank you for the email! I really appreciate it. I don't have much time, as I'm heading to bed so I can get up early and catch the train to the Vancouver Olympics tomorrow. So, if you'd like, text me at [his number] and I can reply there since I'll be out of town for a few days. Sleep tight!"

I didn't want to text him as soon as I read the email, so I waited a day until I did (I didn't want to seem desperate). Then I texted him and basically said I didn't want to interrupt his trip at the Olympics, but I just wanted to know if he was at least going to a hockey game. He responded that yes he was, and I texted back that that was a relief because it was just not worth it if he didn't. He texted back with a "Hahaha" and that was the end.

I decided I wouldn't text him back because if I were at the Olympics, I wouldn't want some random guy I didn't really know to be texting me the whole time. So I figured, when and if he wanted to text/call me back, he would. Until then, I'd go about my normal life and see what happened.

He did text me back, but that's a story for the next post. :)

Saturday, March 13, 2010

The E Files--Part 5: The Rejections Start Rolling In

With Agent Mattie's new and improved profile, she knew that soon the males of the species would be sending her messages and wanting to communicate right and left. She knew her tweaks would have gotten someone's attention, and she was hoping that it would be what she needed to really carry on with her experiment. But, alas... perhaps she had been wrong in her theory:

By the time I had my 2nd profile, I had received at least 25 to 30 matches, and most of them seemed like they had potential. However, I'll admit, I was afraid to send them a message because I didn't want to seem forward. Hey, I'm new to this online dating thing, I don't know what the protocol is! So instead, I went about my daily life and occasionally seeing who else eHarmony and sent me.

Then I got excited because it said I had some communications!

Yeah... closed communications messages.

For those that aren't aware, if you come across a match in which after reading their profile you can already tell it's not going to work out, you can "Close Communication" with them. Basically, they get taken off of your "matches" list, and they cannot message or contact you. When you decide to close communication, eHarmony gives you a list of explanations as to why you didn't think they'd work out. You can't write your own, you have to pick the given ones. While some are pretty understandable excuses: "The distance is far too great." or "Based on statements in their profile, I'm not interested." etc., some are kind of random, odd, and when I received some of them, a bit mean.

I received lots of "Other" messages. Ummm I guess that's ok. I gave out some of these too because I didn't want to be mean by saying they were not interesting people. Some of the matches I received seemed like great guys, just not for me. So, I wasn't too upset by receiving "Other" as an excuse. I was, however, upset when I received these:

"I have too much happening in my life at the moment" and "I am taking a break from dating" both seem ridiculous. Why did you even sign up for eHarmony then?

"I am pursuing another relationship." Ok, I kind of understand this one, but come on! Just close your profile then, why keep looking at greener pastures, when you seem perfectly happy in the one you're in.

"I want to pursue other matches on eHarmony." I think this one probably hurt the worst out of all of them. I mean, I realize that there are better options out there besides me, but I just don't like how it's phrased. I don't know, maybe I'm just being too sensitive.

This last one I think was the most confusing to me: "I think the difference in our values is too great." Ummm... what? I know I put down that eHarmony should only match me with other LDS people, and this guy, from his profile seemed really nice and everything. If he is in fact LDS like he said he was, I'm not sure what the difference in our values is because I thought we had the same values. It was odd.

Anyway, the majority of the reasons I got were "Other" and "I want to pursue other matches on eHarmony." Well FINE, Abe from Provo! I didn't want to talk to you anyway! Yeah, you too, Ben from California! I'll just see what these other matches have that you don't. Meanie.

LOL, I'm okay, I promise. I was a tiny hurt at first (I mean, who loves getting rejected?), but I understand that I'm not exactly what some guys are looking for. I was expecting it to happen and work out that way, which is why I went into this as an experiement. It was a learning experience, and I would see who was out there and if I could get a few laughs.

Once the tinge of sadness left, I too started closing communications with people. It actually felt good. Why do I have to sit and wait for them to reject me first? If I know I'm not going to like them, why keep them in my matches? My only question was, would I get anything else besides a "Closed Communcation Message"?

Thursday, March 11, 2010

The E Files--Part 4: Setting Up My 2nd Profile

Giddy with excitement from her many matches, Agent Mattie was starting to understand how the males of the alien species worked. After many good laughs from reading the many profiles, Agent Mattie realized her own profile may be amiss:

Once the initial shock of hilarity wore off after reading these profiles, I started reading more carefully to see if there was potential with these guys. Now because I had set all my preferences to be that I'd be matched up with another LDS guy, I started noticing a trend with all of their profiles. Almost all of them were quite explicit in their dedication to the Church and the gospel.

This isn't a bad thing, but I started wondering if maybe my profile wasn't as great as I thought. Maybe I needed to be more like them and really be more obvious about the fact that I was a member of the Church. I had a few friends that told me I shouldn't have given in to the peer pressure, but it was too late.

I decided that I needed to change my profile, not entirely, just some tweaking. I wanted to make my ad as appealing as possible, and if this is what these guys are looking for, than I can definitely provide. So here is my new, updated profile (click to enlarge): It's not too drastic of a change, right? It's still me being honest about myself. I just chose to share something else about me.

Now that I had a better, improved profile, I would appeal to someone enough for them to send me a message. They had to... someone had to... right?