This is the last step, in my opinion, on embracing your singleness (I'm all about keeping it simple), but if you are wanting a few more steps, check out this video below:
Now that you know why and how to start being okay with being single, it's time to have fun with it! Where is some place you've always wanted to travel to? What is something you've always wanted to do? Do it now while you're single because it will be a lot easier than when you're attached. For one, it will be cheaper. Paying for yourself to travel, eat, and shop is way cheaper than for two people. Also, when you travel with someone else, most times you will have to compromise with each other on what to do. Because while you can do a lot of stuff together, one of you is probably going to enjoy it more than the other.
When you're single and travel, you are on your own time table, and you get to do what you want to do because you don't have to accommodate anyone else. Case in point my trip to New York City. I went by myself, and I got to do the things I wanted to do and take my time doing them. I didn't feel rushed, and when I had decided I had seen all I wanted to at a certain place, I left. I didn't have to wait for someone, and I didn't feel guilty about wanting to leave when someone else wanted to stay longer. I had a blast, and I know that the trip still would have been fun had I gone with someone else. But, because it was just me, it was everything I wanted to do without any compromising. I loved it.
I have a friend who has a list of 30 things she wants to do before she's 30, which I think is awesome, and I really wish I had done that. I guess I still could actually. My point is, don't you have things you want to do or see while you are still able to? My mom has always said to me that she's glad that I'm doing things like going to New York or learning new skills and hobbies because she said she regrets not having done more things while she was still single. Now she's not saying she regrets getting married or anything, but she just wishes that she had taken advantage of her single years because doing those things become more difficult when you get married and then especially when you have kids.
Once you are married, yes you can do some things and most times you'll have the rest of your lives to do them in, but it'll be different. Comparatively, most people are single for such a shorter amount of time than when they are married. Take advantage of that time now, because who knows when Mr./Mrs. Right will come along. For those that have been single longer than you were hoping for/planning on, it's okay. Remember, you can still be happy and single! There are plenty of people that are in the same boat as you, although I'm sure sometimes it doesn't feel like it. You are terrific just how you are, and if you're doing all of these things in embracing your singleness, those times when you feel lonely aren't quite as bad or long. If you're feeling down, call me up. We'll commiserate together for a bit, and then we'll shake it off and have some fun. We'll be alone together. :)
It's okay to be single. Some are in this state longer than others, but while you're in it, enjoy it because you'll never know how long it will last or if you'll get it back. I found this video that is absolutely perfect, and I think is a great way to end my "Embracing Your Singleness" series. Enjoy!
Showing posts with label Embracing Singleness Series. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Embracing Singleness Series. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Embracing Your Singleness--Step 2
The next step in embracing your singledom and learning more abut yourself is learning how to be okay with it.
Before that though, I'd like to address the married folks out there: We know you mean well and that you are just wanting us single folks to be as happy as you, but you should not say the following to us cause it'll only make us annoyed or feel worse (click here).
Ok, now my single friends: Our married friends are just trying to be helpful and want us to be happy. Just nod, smile, and ignore them if they are annoying you.
Part of how to be okay with being single is not to be angry or jealous of those around you that aren't. Granted, it's going to happen, but recognizing it and getting over the jealousy is better for you. The longer you stay jealous or angry about how you are single and someone else isn't, the longer you'll be single. Now why would you want to do that to yourself? You can be happy and be single. Believe me, it's possible. Those non-single folks were single once too; yes they might have forgotten, but it just takes a little reminding. But, they were once in your shoes, so give them a little credit and be a little more understanding when they try to give you advice. (Believe me I'm telling myself this too, not just you.)
So, we've established that you are not angry at those who are not single. Remember, this is about you not them. So being angry at them only hurts you. Ok, now back to you (he he he...): Start learning about yourself, what your likes/dislikes are. Just general ones at this point, not necessarily ones in relation to a significant other. (You'll get there eventually, but at the start, focus on you and general things.) Do you have any hobbies? Is there something you've always wanted to do or learn? Now is the time to learn/do those things because you're not distracted by someone else.
Start establishing who you are, figure out how you want your life to go. Is there a habit you've been meaning to break or one you want to start? Look at your life and re-evaluate it and change it if you don't like it. When you are single, it's easier to change your life, break habits, reach goals, and learn new things. Take advantage of that.
This is how you become okay with being single: learn more about yourself and what you like. Discover how you like your eggs. Once you do that, you're ready for the next step in embracing your singleness.
Before that though, I'd like to address the married folks out there: We know you mean well and that you are just wanting us single folks to be as happy as you, but you should not say the following to us cause it'll only make us annoyed or feel worse (click here).
Ok, now my single friends: Our married friends are just trying to be helpful and want us to be happy. Just nod, smile, and ignore them if they are annoying you.
Part of how to be okay with being single is not to be angry or jealous of those around you that aren't. Granted, it's going to happen, but recognizing it and getting over the jealousy is better for you. The longer you stay jealous or angry about how you are single and someone else isn't, the longer you'll be single. Now why would you want to do that to yourself? You can be happy and be single. Believe me, it's possible. Those non-single folks were single once too; yes they might have forgotten, but it just takes a little reminding. But, they were once in your shoes, so give them a little credit and be a little more understanding when they try to give you advice. (Believe me I'm telling myself this too, not just you.)
So, we've established that you are not angry at those who are not single. Remember, this is about you not them. So being angry at them only hurts you. Ok, now back to you (he he he...): Start learning about yourself, what your likes/dislikes are. Just general ones at this point, not necessarily ones in relation to a significant other. (You'll get there eventually, but at the start, focus on you and general things.) Do you have any hobbies? Is there something you've always wanted to do or learn? Now is the time to learn/do those things because you're not distracted by someone else.
Start establishing who you are, figure out how you want your life to go. Is there a habit you've been meaning to break or one you want to start? Look at your life and re-evaluate it and change it if you don't like it. When you are single, it's easier to change your life, break habits, reach goals, and learn new things. Take advantage of that.
This is how you become okay with being single: learn more about yourself and what you like. Discover how you like your eggs. Once you do that, you're ready for the next step in embracing your singleness.
Sunday, August 08, 2010
Embracing Your Singleness--Step 1
The first step to embracing your singleness is to realize it's okay that you are single. For some, it takes longer to come to terms with this fact and be okay. Some people are lost without being in a relationship, so they go into another (rebound) as soon as they can. If this is you, I say, take your time; revel in the fact that you are unattached.
Whenever I feel down in the fact that I am single, I just think about all the failing relationships in the world and how I'm glad I'm not in one. Ok, I realize this sounds terrible, but sometimes it gets me out of my "woe is me" pity party. I know of so many young couples that are getting divorced after only a few years of marriage. It's sad and horrible, but sometimes I feel like it's because they didn't take the time to really get to know one another.
At a certain age, we've all been told that the next step in our lives is to get married. So because that is the next logical step in our progression, they get married without really comprehending the reality of it all. Some are in love with the idea of being in love, and when they realize that marriage is work, they run home and decide they don't want to be married anymore. It wasn't what they thought it was going to be. Granted, I'm sure there might be other circumstances as to why they call it quits, but I am almost positive that in most cases what I'm talking about is the underlying problem.
When it's time to get married, you had better know your future spouse. Yes, you'll get to know him/her even more after you're married, but before then I hope you know him/her as much as you possibly can. Which then leads me to my next point: The only way you can really know your significant other is after you really know yourself. It's hard to know yourself very well when you're not single.
If you're dating, you'll always define yourself in terms of that relationship or that person unless you've already learned about yourself beforehand. And, if you continue to define yourself in terms of another, once that person leaves you'll have to start over again or at least fill that gap (perhaps with another person). Why would you want to keep doing that every time when you can do it once when you're single? Then, once you really know yourself, it makes it that much easier when you find yourself in a relationship. You won't waste your time since you'll know what will work for you and that is what you'll look for in a companion.
What do I mean? Well, have you seen Runaway Bride? In it, Julia Roberts' character always likes and does whatever her fiance at the time likes and does, and Richard Gere's character calls her out on it. Remember, she doesn't know what kind of eggs she likes? Well, it's not until after her and Richard Gere's failed attempt at marriage the 1st time around that Julia Roberts starts finding out who she is. She tries every kind of egg she can until she finds the one she likes. She does what she's always wanted to do: sell her unique lamps in New York City. She finds out who she is while she is single, and it is then that she realizes and decides that Richard Gere is what she wants. And it is when she's discovered herself that is she is ready to commit to marrying Richard Gere. Make sense now?
Ok, now that we've established why it's okay to be single (if you need more reasons, check out this), the next step is how to be okay with it.
Whenever I feel down in the fact that I am single, I just think about all the failing relationships in the world and how I'm glad I'm not in one. Ok, I realize this sounds terrible, but sometimes it gets me out of my "woe is me" pity party. I know of so many young couples that are getting divorced after only a few years of marriage. It's sad and horrible, but sometimes I feel like it's because they didn't take the time to really get to know one another.
At a certain age, we've all been told that the next step in our lives is to get married. So because that is the next logical step in our progression, they get married without really comprehending the reality of it all. Some are in love with the idea of being in love, and when they realize that marriage is work, they run home and decide they don't want to be married anymore. It wasn't what they thought it was going to be. Granted, I'm sure there might be other circumstances as to why they call it quits, but I am almost positive that in most cases what I'm talking about is the underlying problem.
When it's time to get married, you had better know your future spouse. Yes, you'll get to know him/her even more after you're married, but before then I hope you know him/her as much as you possibly can. Which then leads me to my next point: The only way you can really know your significant other is after you really know yourself. It's hard to know yourself very well when you're not single.
If you're dating, you'll always define yourself in terms of that relationship or that person unless you've already learned about yourself beforehand. And, if you continue to define yourself in terms of another, once that person leaves you'll have to start over again or at least fill that gap (perhaps with another person). Why would you want to keep doing that every time when you can do it once when you're single? Then, once you really know yourself, it makes it that much easier when you find yourself in a relationship. You won't waste your time since you'll know what will work for you and that is what you'll look for in a companion.
What do I mean? Well, have you seen Runaway Bride? In it, Julia Roberts' character always likes and does whatever her fiance at the time likes and does, and Richard Gere's character calls her out on it. Remember, she doesn't know what kind of eggs she likes? Well, it's not until after her and Richard Gere's failed attempt at marriage the 1st time around that Julia Roberts starts finding out who she is. She tries every kind of egg she can until she finds the one she likes. She does what she's always wanted to do: sell her unique lamps in New York City. She finds out who she is while she is single, and it is then that she realizes and decides that Richard Gere is what she wants. And it is when she's discovered herself that is she is ready to commit to marrying Richard Gere. Make sense now?
Ok, now that we've established why it's okay to be single (if you need more reasons, check out this), the next step is how to be okay with it.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Ridin' Solo--Teaser
With recent conversations (and even not so recent) that I've had with friends and family, I've decided on a new blog post series about being single. I realize this is nothing new to most of you, but I'll be talking about embracing your singleness and not fretting about the fact that you are at home watching Lost on a Friday night instead of on a date (that was not a poke and anyone in particular, I promise). We've all had tons of friends go off and get married and sometimes it feels like someone's getting married all the time and so we just don't want to hear about it any more. Many times, it just makes us feel down on ourselves. If they found someone, what's wrong with me? Well, I'm here to tell you: NOTHING!
In my opinion, while I'm sure being married is fun and an adventure in and of itself, being single is perfectly okay, too. My blog series will talk about why, what you can do while you're single that you can't when you're married, how to just enjoy this time in your life when you don't have to worry about someone else's future, etc. I'm excited because I think out of anyone, I probably need to hear this information the most.
So, to kick things off, Jason Derulo (you know the singer who has to sing his name at the beginninng of almost all of his songs) has a new song called "Ridin' Solo" that really encompasses my main idea of this blog series. I have posted the lyrics and the music video below. Enjoy.
Ridin' Solo by Jason Derulo
Yeeeeeyeeeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I'm feeling like a star, you can't stop my shine,
I'm loving cloud nine, my head's in the sky,
I'm solo, I'm riding solo,
I'm riding solo, I'm ridin' solo, sooloooo.
Yeah, I'm feeling good tonight, finally doing me and it feels so right, oh,
Time to do the things I like,
going to the club everything's alright, oh,
No one to answer to,
no one that's gonna argue, no,
And since I got the hold off me,
I'm living life now that I'm free, yeah,
Telling me to get my self together
now I got my self together, yeah,
Now I made it through the weather
better days are gonna get better
I'm so sorry that it didn't work out I'm moving on,
I'm so sorry but it's over now,
the pain is goooone,
I'm putting on my shades
to cover up my eyes,
I'm jumpin' in my ride,
I'm heading out tonight,
I'm solo, I'm riding solo,
I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo, sooloooo.
I'm feeling like a star, you can't stop my shine,
I'm loving cloud nine, my head's in the sky.
I'm solo, I'm riding solo,
I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo, sooloooo.
Now I'm feeling how I should,
never knew single could feel this good, oh,
Stop playing miss understood,
back in the game, who knew I would, oh,
So flex how I spread my wings, loving myself makes me wanna sing, oh,
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Telling me to get my self together
now I got my self together, yeah,
Now I made it through the weather
better days are gonna get better
I'm so sorry that it didn't work out I'm moving on,
I'm so sorry but it's over now,
the pain is goooone,
I'm putting on my shades
to cover up my eyes,
I'm jumpin' in my ride,
I'm heading out tonight,
I'm solo, I'm riding solo,
I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo, sooloooo.
I'm feeling like a star, you can't stop my shine,
I'm loving cloud nine, my head's in the sky.
I'm solo, I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo, sooloooo.
I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo, sooloooo
yeah it's like S... O... L... O...
S... O... L... O... S... O... L... O...
Living my life and got stress no more,
I'm putting on my shades
to cover up my eyes,
I'm jumpin' in my ride,
I'm heading out tonight,
I'm solo, I'm riding solo,
I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo, sooloooo.
I'm feeling like a star, you can't stop my shine,
I'm loving cloud nine, my head's in the sky.
I'm solo, I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo, sooloooo.
I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo, sooloooo
I'm riding solo, sooloooo,
I'm riding solo, sooloooo.
In my opinion, while I'm sure being married is fun and an adventure in and of itself, being single is perfectly okay, too. My blog series will talk about why, what you can do while you're single that you can't when you're married, how to just enjoy this time in your life when you don't have to worry about someone else's future, etc. I'm excited because I think out of anyone, I probably need to hear this information the most.
So, to kick things off, Jason Derulo (you know the singer who has to sing his name at the beginninng of almost all of his songs) has a new song called "Ridin' Solo" that really encompasses my main idea of this blog series. I have posted the lyrics and the music video below. Enjoy.
Ridin' Solo by Jason Derulo
Yeeeeeyeeeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I'm feeling like a star, you can't stop my shine,
I'm loving cloud nine, my head's in the sky,
I'm solo, I'm riding solo,
I'm riding solo, I'm ridin' solo, sooloooo.
Yeah, I'm feeling good tonight, finally doing me and it feels so right, oh,
Time to do the things I like,
going to the club everything's alright, oh,
No one to answer to,
no one that's gonna argue, no,
And since I got the hold off me,
I'm living life now that I'm free, yeah,
Telling me to get my self together
now I got my self together, yeah,
Now I made it through the weather
better days are gonna get better
I'm so sorry that it didn't work out I'm moving on,
I'm so sorry but it's over now,
the pain is goooone,
I'm putting on my shades
to cover up my eyes,
I'm jumpin' in my ride,
I'm heading out tonight,
I'm solo, I'm riding solo,
I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo, sooloooo.
I'm feeling like a star, you can't stop my shine,
I'm loving cloud nine, my head's in the sky.
I'm solo, I'm riding solo,
I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo, sooloooo.
Now I'm feeling how I should,
never knew single could feel this good, oh,
Stop playing miss understood,
back in the game, who knew I would, oh,
So flex how I spread my wings, loving myself makes me wanna sing, oh,
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Telling me to get my self together
now I got my self together, yeah,
Now I made it through the weather
better days are gonna get better
I'm so sorry that it didn't work out I'm moving on,
I'm so sorry but it's over now,
the pain is goooone,
I'm putting on my shades
to cover up my eyes,
I'm jumpin' in my ride,
I'm heading out tonight,
I'm solo, I'm riding solo,
I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo, sooloooo.
I'm feeling like a star, you can't stop my shine,
I'm loving cloud nine, my head's in the sky.
I'm solo, I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo, sooloooo.
I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo, sooloooo
yeah it's like S... O... L... O...
S... O... L... O... S... O... L... O...
Living my life and got stress no more,
I'm putting on my shades
to cover up my eyes,
I'm jumpin' in my ride,
I'm heading out tonight,
I'm solo, I'm riding solo,
I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo, sooloooo.
I'm feeling like a star, you can't stop my shine,
I'm loving cloud nine, my head's in the sky.
I'm solo, I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo, sooloooo.
I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo, sooloooo
I'm riding solo, sooloooo,
I'm riding solo, sooloooo.
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