So um hi

Hey there.

So... that last post, huh...

Yeah... umm...

SUPER DEPRESSING, AM I RIGHT?

Yeah guys... I'm kind of sorry about that. Since I've had a few people ask me about it and make sure I'm okay (which I truly appreciate and think you guys are so sweet and caring and awesome and I love you all!), I figured maybe I should explain/clarify/reiterate that I'm okay and that it was not a cry for help. It was more a writing exercise/getting emotions out kind of thing for myself 'cause you guys know me, I have to write out what I feel to work through it.

See what had happened was is that I was alone at a restaurant and my phone was dead, so I sat there looking super lame cause I wasn't doing anything while I was waiting for my food (I don't know about you guys but whenever I'm dining alone I feel like I need to be doing something, reading/writing/on my phone/anything, so as not to look like a loser just sitting there staring off into space). Because my phone was dead and I had no one to talk to, I pulled out a scrap paper that was in my purse and just started writing.

And that post is what came out.

I did stop part way and finished the rest when I got back home to type it all out. I'll admit that when I went back and reread it when I was done I realized it came out a lot more depressing than what I had started thinking it was going to be. I even debated on whether or not to even publish it, but by then it was 2 in the morning, I was tired, and I already had it all typed and ready to go. I even started writing a disclaimer of sorts saying basically what I am telling you now, but again I was tired, so I said screw it, deleted the disclaimer, and clicked publish.

That being said, yes, all of what I wrote out was true and what I was thinking and feeling at the time when I wrote it. But, as I said before, I'm one of those that once I write it all out and get it all down on paper, I feel much better afterwards, which is why I had the debate on whether to publish it. Because when I went back to read it, I felt differently at the end of it than when I did when I had started.

But because you guys are such wonderful people, the next day I had emails filled with concern and inspirational youtube video links. When explaining the situation to one of you, I decided that I should put up a happy post filled with puppies, and she suggested this:

To cheer me up/inspire me, another friend had sent me THIS video, THIS one, and my favorite of the three, this: 

Yesterday I was able to spend some of my time helping out my friend find songs for his wedding reception, so I listened to some really great and beautiful songs about love (and some that were just good in general) like these:

• "I Can't Make You Love Me/ Nick of Time" - Bon Iver
• "Tug of War" - Carly Rae Jepson (which side note, I LOVE many of her other songs that are not the completely over played and yet still enjoyable, to me anyway, "Call Me Maybe" so I suggest listening to her others)
• "I Melt With You" - Bowling for Soup
• "1, 2, 3, 4" - Plain White T's
• "Stole My Heart" - Little and Ashley
• "The Power of Love" - Huey Lewis
• "Love Train" - The O'Jays
• "Sweet Disposition" - The Temper Trap

Then, today, another friend shared with me some HILARIOUS videos that we're going to end up talking about on our podcast (I have a podcast... I told you guys about that right? No... well I have a podcast with a friend of mine called Gramblings. Search for it in iTunes and listen! We have 5 episodes already!). BUT because I love you guys so much and because a few of you were sweet enough to make sure I was okay, I'll share the videos with you early before I talk about them on the podcast:


And this guy's original videos are just as hilarious on their own:

Some Highlights From Tumblr

As I'm sure y'all know by now, I have a Tumblr, and it's pretty awesome.

So awesome, in fact, that my dear friend, whom I absolutely adore, love, and admire and wish I was as beautiful, charming, and amazing as her and also that I had her life cause she gets to do so many awesome things, Jessica, added my tumblr to her "Can't Stop Reading" blogroll, which makes me feel uber special and honored.

Y'all should follow Jessica's blog because she's cute, funny, insightful, and her posts are always amazing!

And no, Jessica did not pay me to endorse her blog in any way... that you know of. (KIDDING!)

But anyways, I've had some entertaining things on there recently and thought I'd link to them on here in case y'all were leery of reading my Tumblr. :) I've got some good posts, like:

• My thoughts on how marriage proposals and food don't mix
• My dilemma when a class got canceled
• And what I decided to do
• How God totally loves me
• And the detailed story on how I disappointed (several times) a video game nerd

It's riveting stuff, folks. Truly.

Also in other news, I hung up all my paintings and framed pictures and calendar/dry erase board in my room today. I mainly did it cause I was tired of seeing them on the floor, but now they're up and my room doesn't look so blah and boring anymore. YAY!

Also, also, I made an attempt to get rid of some of the boxes I still have in the middle of my room (yeah I moved in July, don't judge me), and immediately gave up because I found MORE books when I thought I had already gone through all my books. I don't have anywhere to put them, and I've already kept 2 boxes packed of books to go to storage. When I found more, I broke down and gave up, so the box is still sitting open taunting me with more books that I don't know where to put.

It may be time to get some kind of eReader... dang it.

I Don't Want To Speak Too Soon...

But... I'm sort of, kind of, slightly regretting my decision to leave my old single's branch for this new one.

All this summer leading up to me leaving the branch (for those that don't know it's a church congregation of single adults from ages 18 to 31, can also be called a ward), I felt like it was time for me to leave and move on. I was moving to an apartment and a new town and I figured that with that I'd just start going to a new single's ward that was closer to my apartment. I was sad to be leaving the people I'd been going to church with for 2 almost 3 years now, but I figured I'd still see them at activities and stuff because I'm only 15/20 minutes away. I was excited to meet new people and get a change of pace etc.

Well, now that I've been in the new ward for 2 weeks (hence why I didn't want to speak too soon), I really miss the branch. Not that this new ward is like psycho, although the past two Sundays have had some strange occurrences, but at least with the branch I knew what to expect and the strange occurrences that happened were entertaining. Ok, here's what happened in the new ward so far:

Last Sunday the first speaker decided she was teaching a lesson instead of giving a sacrament meeting talk, complete with passing out candy and making this poor dude do the equivalent of 90 pushups in his Sunday clothes at the front of the chapel. Then the 2nd person decided to talk the REST of the sacrament meeting, but we still sang all 4 verses of the rest hymn and then the 3rd speaker spoke. Normally this part of church ends at 2. We didn't get out until 2:20. Sunday School was okay although I had to go to the "special" new people class, which was fine, and then the relief society lesson was a little weird too. Not to mention the ridiculously forced conversation (not on my part) I had with a guy during the potluck afterwards (I was like, seriously dude, I'm not into you, I'm trying to meet people cause I'm new, if you don't want to talk to me, just say so. AND THEN, after I decided to talk to other people and let him be since it was like pulling teeth getting him to answer my questions, he stops me on my way out to tell me that it was a pleasure meeting me and then shook my hand. What?!)

Today wasn't quite as odd although pretty sure one of the speakers there (a high councilman I think) said that it was the duty of women to learn sewing and cooking etc. I say pretty sure because I wasn't exactly paying attention before then, but then I heard that and was wondering what the heck he was talking about. Even the guy next to me said, "Umm did he just say sewing was a gospel principle?" Yeah, no clue.

A friend of mine from the branch came with me to church today and she said something that made me realize that I did miss the branch: The branch has its weirdos and its crazy people, but they're our weirdos.

It's true. I think the thing about this new ward is that I don't know who the weird people are and I don't know who anyone is in general (aside from the few I know from the past). At least in the branch I knew who the crazy people were and who my friends were. Granted, I'm sure I'll learn with this new ward eventually, but right now, I really miss the crazy antics of the branch and my friends, and having people to talk to during church. Hopefully I'll get some people like that in the ward soon. I need some friends in the ward.

Alone at the Movies

On Wednesday I decided that I would go to the movies by myself, something I'm pretty sure I have never done in my life. Somehow I always think I'll hate it or I'll look like a loser if I go alone. That and I always want to talk about the movie afterwards, and how can I do that if I went by myself?

Well, I had a coupon for a movie that would expire on Thursday, so I had to use it on Wednesday, my only available day, and since my mom decided she'd rather study and take practice tests, I went alone.

It wasn't that bad.

It helped that I went and saw what turned out to be a rather cute/good movie (Water For Elephants). But, I got a rather good seat since it was just me (something I found out when I was getting seated to be on Jimmy Fallon in New York), and the ladies next to me were pretty nice.

The movie was surprisingly good. I haven't read the book (although it was on my long list of ones I'd get to someday), and with that said, I really liked the movie (not sure how it compares though). I love Reese Witherspoon, but I am not a huge fan of Robert Pattinson. BUT, someone must have taught him how to act because he wasn't half bad. And, I've decided he definitely looks way better when he has some color in him and doesn't look like he's in pain all the time.

So, I recommend going to see Water For Elephants, and being willing to go to the movies alone. It wasn't terrible, and I might do it again. Who knows?

Embracing Your Singleness--Step 3

This is the last step, in my opinion, on embracing your singleness (I'm all about keeping it simple), but if you are wanting a few more steps, check out this video below:
Now that you know why and how to start being okay with being single, it's time to have fun with it! Where is some place you've always wanted to travel to? What is something you've always wanted to do? Do it now while you're single because it will be a lot easier than when you're attached. For one, it will be cheaper. Paying for yourself to travel, eat, and shop is way cheaper than for two people. Also, when you travel with someone else, most times you will have to compromise with each other on what to do. Because while you can do a lot of stuff together, one of you is probably going to enjoy it more than the other.

When you're single and travel, you are on your own time table, and you get to do what you want to do because you don't have to accommodate anyone else. Case in point my trip to New York City. I went by myself, and I got to do the things I wanted to do and take my time doing them. I didn't feel rushed, and when I had decided I had seen all I wanted to at a certain place, I left. I didn't have to wait for someone, and I didn't feel guilty about wanting to leave when someone else wanted to stay longer. I had a blast, and I know that the trip still would have been fun had I gone with someone else. But, because it was just me, it was everything I wanted to do without any compromising. I loved it.

I have a friend who has a list of 30 things she wants to do before she's 30, which I think is awesome, and I really wish I had done that. I guess I still could actually. My point is, don't you have things you want to do or see while you are still able to? My mom has always said to me that she's glad that I'm doing things like going to New York or learning new skills and hobbies because she said she regrets not having done more things while she was still single. Now she's not saying she regrets getting married or anything, but she just wishes that she had taken advantage of her single years because doing those things become more difficult when you get married and then especially when you have kids.

Once you are married, yes you can do some things and most times you'll have the rest of your lives to do them in, but it'll be different. Comparatively, most people are single for such a shorter amount of time than when they are married. Take advantage of that time now, because who knows when Mr./Mrs. Right will come along. For those that have been single longer than you were hoping for/planning on, it's okay. Remember, you can still be happy and single! There are plenty of people that are in the same boat as you, although I'm sure sometimes it doesn't feel like it. You are terrific just how you are, and if you're doing all of these things in embracing your singleness, those times when you feel lonely aren't quite as bad or long. If you're feeling down, call me up. We'll commiserate together for a bit, and then we'll shake it off and have some fun. We'll be alone together. :)

It's okay to be single. Some are in this state longer than others, but while you're in it, enjoy it because you'll never know how long it will last or if you'll get it back. I found this video that is absolutely perfect, and I think is a great way to end my "Embracing Your Singleness" series. Enjoy!

Embracing Your Singleness--Step 2

The next step in embracing your singledom and learning more abut yourself is learning how to be okay with it.

Before that though, I'd like to address the married folks out there: We know you mean well and that you are just wanting us single folks to be as happy as you, but you should not say the following to us cause it'll only make us annoyed or feel worse (click here).

Ok, now my single friends: Our married friends are just trying to be helpful and want us to be happy. Just nod, smile, and ignore them if they are annoying you.

Part of how to be okay with being single is not to be angry or jealous of those around you that aren't. Granted, it's going to happen, but recognizing it and getting over the jealousy is better for you. The longer you stay jealous or angry about how you are single and someone else isn't, the longer you'll be single. Now why would you want to do that to yourself? You can be happy and be single. Believe me, it's possible. Those non-single folks were single once too; yes they might have forgotten, but it just takes a little reminding. But, they were once in your shoes, so give them a little credit and be a little more understanding when they try to give you advice. (Believe me I'm telling myself this too, not just you.)

So, we've established that you are not angry at those who are not single. Remember, this is about you not them. So being angry at them only hurts you. Ok, now back to you (he he he...): Start learning about yourself, what your likes/dislikes are. Just general ones at this point, not necessarily ones in relation to a significant other. (You'll get there eventually, but at the start, focus on you and general things.) Do you have any hobbies? Is there something you've always wanted to do or learn? Now is the time to learn/do those things because you're not distracted by someone else.

Start establishing who you are, figure out how you want your life to go. Is there a habit you've been meaning to break or one you want to start? Look at your life and re-evaluate it and change it if you don't like it. When you are single, it's easier to change your life, break habits, reach goals, and learn new things. Take advantage of that.

This is how you become okay with being single: learn more about yourself and what you like. Discover how you like your eggs. Once you do that, you're ready for the next step in embracing your singleness.

Embracing Your Singleness--Step 1

The first step to embracing your singleness is to realize it's okay that you are single. For some, it takes longer to come to terms with this fact and be okay. Some people are lost without being in a relationship, so they go into another (rebound) as soon as they can. If this is you, I say, take your time; revel in the fact that you are unattached.

Whenever I feel down in the fact that I am single, I just think about all the failing relationships in the world and how I'm glad I'm not in one. Ok, I realize this sounds terrible, but sometimes it gets me out of my "woe is me" pity party. I know of so many young couples that are getting divorced after only a few years of marriage. It's sad and horrible, but sometimes I feel like it's because they didn't take the time to really get to know one another.

At a certain age, we've all been told that the next step in our lives is to get married. So because that is the next logical step in our progression, they get married without really comprehending the reality of it all. Some are in love with the idea of being in love, and when they realize that marriage is work, they run home and decide they don't want to be married anymore. It wasn't what they thought it was going to be. Granted, I'm sure there might be other circumstances as to why they call it quits, but I am almost positive that in most cases what I'm talking about is the underlying problem.

When it's time to get married, you had better know your future spouse. Yes, you'll get to know him/her even more after you're married, but before then I hope you know him/her as much as you possibly can. Which then leads me to my next point: The only way you can really know your significant other is after you really know yourself. It's hard to know yourself very well when you're not single.

If you're dating, you'll always define yourself in terms of that relationship or that person unless you've already learned about yourself beforehand. And, if you continue to define yourself in terms of another, once that person leaves you'll have to start over again or at least fill that gap (perhaps with another person). Why would you want to keep doing that every time when you can do it once when you're single? Then, once you really know yourself, it makes it that much easier when you find yourself in a relationship. You won't waste your time since you'll know what will work for you and that is what you'll look for in a companion.

What do I mean? Well, have you seen Runaway Bride? In it, Julia Roberts' character always likes and does whatever her fiance at the time likes and does, and Richard Gere's character calls her out on it. Remember, she doesn't know what kind of eggs she likes? Well, it's not until after her and Richard Gere's failed attempt at marriage the 1st time around that Julia Roberts starts finding out who she is. She tries every kind of egg she can until she finds the one she likes. She does what she's always wanted to do: sell her unique lamps in New York City. She finds out who she is while she is single, and it is then that she realizes and decides that Richard Gere is what she wants. And it is when she's discovered herself that is she is ready to commit to marrying Richard Gere. Make sense now?

Ok, now that we've established why it's okay to be single (if you need more reasons, check out this), the next step is how to be okay with it.

Ridin' Solo--Teaser

With recent conversations (and even not so recent) that I've had with friends and family, I've decided on a new blog post series about being single. I realize this is nothing new to most of you, but I'll be talking about embracing your singleness and not fretting about the fact that you are at home watching Lost on a Friday night instead of on a date (that was not a poke and anyone in particular, I promise). We've all had tons of friends go off and get married and sometimes it feels like someone's getting married all the time and so we just don't want to hear about it any more. Many times, it just makes us feel down on ourselves. If they found someone, what's wrong with me? Well, I'm here to tell you: NOTHING!

In my opinion, while I'm sure being married is fun and an adventure in and of itself, being single is perfectly okay, too. My blog series will talk about why, what you can do while you're single that you can't when you're married, how to just enjoy this time in your life when you don't have to worry about someone else's future, etc. I'm excited because I think out of anyone, I probably need to hear this information the most.

So, to kick things off, Jason Derulo (you know the singer who has to sing his name at the beginninng of almost all of his songs) has a new song called "Ridin' Solo" that really encompasses my main idea of this blog series. I have posted the lyrics and the music video below. Enjoy.

Ridin' Solo by Jason Derulo
Yeeeeeyeeeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I'm feeling like a star, you can't stop my shine,
I'm loving cloud nine, my head's in the sky,
I'm solo, I'm riding solo,
I'm riding solo, I'm ridin' solo, sooloooo.

Yeah, I'm feeling good tonight, finally doing me and it feels so right, oh,
Time to do the things I like,
going to the club everything's alright, oh,

No one to answer to,
no one that's gonna argue, no,
And since I got the hold off me,
I'm living life now that I'm free, yeah,

Telling me to get my self together
now I got my self together, yeah,
Now I made it through the weather
better days are gonna get better

I'm so sorry that it didn't work out I'm moving on,
I'm so sorry but it's over now,
the pain is goooone,

I'm putting on my shades
to cover up my eyes,
I'm jumpin' in my ride,
I'm heading out tonight,
I'm solo, I'm riding solo,
I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo, sooloooo.
I'm feeling like a star, you can't stop my shine,
I'm loving cloud nine, my head's in the sky.
I'm solo, I'm riding solo,
I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo, sooloooo.

Now I'm feeling how I should,
never knew single could feel this good, oh,
Stop playing miss understood,
back in the game, who knew I would, oh,
So flex how I spread my wings, loving myself makes me wanna sing, oh,
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

Telling me to get my self together
now I got my self together, yeah,
Now I made it through the weather
better days are gonna get better

I'm so sorry that it didn't work out I'm moving on,
I'm so sorry but it's over now,
the pain is goooone,

I'm putting on my shades
to cover up my eyes,
I'm jumpin' in my ride,
I'm heading out tonight,
I'm solo, I'm riding solo,
I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo, sooloooo.
I'm feeling like a star, you can't stop my shine,
I'm loving cloud nine, my head's in the sky.
I'm solo, I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo, sooloooo.
I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo, sooloooo

yeah it's like S... O... L... O...
S... O... L... O... S... O... L... O...
Living my life and got stress no more,

I'm putting on my shades
to cover up my eyes,
I'm jumpin' in my ride,
I'm heading out tonight,
I'm solo, I'm riding solo,
I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo, sooloooo.
I'm feeling like a star, you can't stop my shine,
I'm loving cloud nine, my head's in the sky.
I'm solo, I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo, sooloooo.
I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo, sooloooo

I'm riding solo, sooloooo,
I'm riding solo, sooloooo.

The E Files--Part 8: Now What? (The End?)

We last left Agent Mattie thinking she had finally completed what she came to the alien world to do. She had learned about the new online dating world, participated in it and even interacted with the species! While it was a bit disappointing, she was still hopeful that she learned enough for it to be worth it. But, she had one more great adventure in this new world as we will soon find out in the concluding episode of The E Files... finally:

So I continued to receive a few matches a week from eHarmony (and of course plenty of other emails saying I should subscribe... DELETED), and I would go and check out their profiles and then move on. I don't quite know why I kept my profile open (or have it open still). I suppose because it's fun to see what other people put up on their profiles to attract people. It's almost like a mating ritual of sorts...

SIDE NOTE: I was watching Ripley's Believe It Or Not today (another side note: I heart Dean Cain.), and apparently there is this tribe somewhere that carries canoes on their backs. And because of this, they started developing a huge bump on their back/neck (kind of like a hunch back sort of thing, but it's kind of shaped like a football not so much Quasimodo style). AND the bigger the bump, the more attractive that male is to a mate since it's a sign of strength. Crazy, yes? ....but I digress.

With my more or less apathetic attitude toward my eHarmony profile, I kind of forgot about it except for the email reminders occasionally. So, I was surprised to see a few weeks ago that 1) eHarmony was having another free communication weekend and 2) one of my matches was requesting communication! On top of that, he was requesting info the very first day of the free weekend (not the last like "looking for friends" boy did).

I kindly replied to his 5 close-ended questions and then asked him 5 of my own, since it was free communication weekend, after all. He was another one who had cleverly disguised his email in his profile, so I did what anyone else would do, I plugged it into Facebook search... and TA DA! His profile came up... he too went to BYU and funny enough we had 3 mutual friends. He seemed nice enough, again not gorgeous, but cute. But, I didn't want to get my hopes up because I figured it'd turn out like the last time.

Then the next day, I received his answers to my questions. Well, with eHarmony, you have to go through a series of "get to know you" type questions before you can actually email each other. You can skip to it, but... big surprise, you have to be a paying member. So I got to experience all of the steps of eHarmony's communication process! Next step, send him my "Must Haves" and "Can't Stands."

Basically, eHarmony gives you a bunch of statements, and you have to pick 10 (each) of the things that your partner HAS to have/do/be or things that you absolutely hate so therefore if they have it/do it/are it they need not continue. Personally, I saw this step as a little pointless, but I guess it could be helpful to others. I only have a few major things that I'd like in a relationship/partner, so most of the time I'm ok with compromising or letting go of a few things. After all, isn't that what a relationship is about anyway?

The next day I receive his "Must Haves" and "Can't Stands," and the next step is 3 open-ended questions. So, I picked three that I thought were pretty good. I asked him if he was afraid of anything, if he could have 3 wishes what would they be, and then I even wrote up one of my own. I could tell from his profile and what I could see on Facebook that he was a photographer and was really into it, as in what he does, studied, and wants as a career. So my last question I asked him to tell me more of what he likes to photograph.

I received his answers later that day, and I started thinking... man he is REALLY into photography. His answer to my own question was that he liked to do documentary type photos and then gave me a link to his photography website (nope, not linking it). Then to the wishes one he said that he'd love to be a really great photographer, influence people with his photography, and travel the world with his photography. Ok... I get it dude, you're really into photography. But, is that all? Please tell me you enjoy other things... please.

Then, I thought his answer to the fears one was hilarious. He basically said that he didn't really fear anything (sounds like a typical guy, right?) but that he guessed that there are times when he is more aware of his surroundings and is a little more nervous or anxious so he guesses that's when he is "afraid." (Yes, he used quotes.) And along with his answers came his 3 open-ended questions for me. I forget what they were, but I will say my answers were pretty darn good and were not all about photography.

Sunday, the last day of the free communication weekend, I receive the "holy grail" so to speak of the eHarmony communication process. I had gone through the gauntlet, and in the course of 3 days had achieved the end, the eHarmony email. He sent me the email saying, "You seem pretty cool." (Well that's because I am, dude, is what I thought to myself as I read this.) Then he asked if it would be okay if we communicated through email outside of eHarmony since he wasn't a paying member so couldn't keep this communication up.

I sent him an eHarmony email back saying that was perfectly okay since I wasn't a paying member either. I told him that he seemed cool too, and I gave him my email address.

THE END.

HAHA. No really, that's the end. I have not heard from him. I figured since he asked and I gave him my email address that he would email me. Not the case. So, because I was curious with what the deal was, I emailed him (remember he had creatively put his email in his profile?). I asked if he still wanted to email or not since I hadn't heard from him or if he had met someone and is now engaged and so doesn't want to have anything to do with me. Apparently it's the latter, because I still haven't received an email back.

AND interestingly enough... I went to eHarmony to see if I could gather something from there, and I noticed that I have a "Closed communication" message from him. Great. He probably did the same thing I did to him, plugged my email into Facebook and thought... "Nope." But then, when I go to click on it to see what his excuse was as to why he closed communication, it turns out he has since deleted his profile, so nothing shows up (this is why I can't tell you what questions he asked me because I can't look it up.)

I'm not really sure if eHarmony automatically sent a "Closed communication" message to me once he deleted his profile or if he closed communication before he shut down his profile. And funny enough, I have another match who deleted his profile too, so I had a closed communication message with him that I couldn't see. Anyway, not sure what exactly happened, but all I know is is that he had my email, I emailed him, and I have yet to receive any response. Yeah... the end of my last great adventure kind of anti-climactic huh? Sorry. :(

Now what? Well, my profile is still up, and I still get the occasional match every once in a while. I really doubt anything is going to happen, but it's a fun distraction when I'm bored. I'm thinking maybe I'll loosen up my settings like eHarmony wanted me to and allow someone who drinks once a week or more to be matched up with me, because then... my matches will be endless! Or not. I'll probably leave it up until I get tired of eHarmony sending me match emails. Who knows... maybe I'll actually get a response out of one of these guys once the free communication weekend ends and they figure out what I look like?

For now, I'm content with my life for the moment. It was a good, fun experiment, and it helped me realize a little more about men, since according to my mom I am rather inexperienced/immature when it comes to that subject(but, sad to say, she's right. I am.). I had a recent frustrating experience with a guy (not online), and so I'm kind of ok with just hanging out with my awesome friends. I'll get lonely again soon and wish I had a date/boyfriend, but at this point in time, I am A OK.
Experiment completed.

THE END

The E Files--Part 7: That Was Fun While It Lasted

Last time on E Files, Agent Mattie had made contact! She was on to something with the alien species, and she was thinking maybe the experiment had not been a total loss after all. After communicating briefly with this male, Mattie waited for him to make the next move/effort to continue communication. Would he make contact again? Let's find out:

After deciding that if this guy wanted to talk with me, it would be up to him, I kind of wondered if he actually would or not. I knew he was on vacation watching the Olympics so he was busy, so I tried not to think about whether or not he'd ever text me back.

Then, on Sunday (so 4 days after we had first texted each other) as I'm getting ready for church, I receive a text message from him: "Hey Mattie! I'm back from the Olympics. How r ya?"

I'll be honest, I was kind of giddy, which looking back was rather silly of me. I was at least surprised that he actually texted me back, which to me meant he was at least somewhat interested. I think I replied with something like I was doing great and then asked him what events he saw and how it was. He replied with:
"It was fun but I'm glad to be on my way back home. USA-Norway hockey, short track speedskating last nite, a medals ceremony."

I then, trying to be funny, asked if he had to listen to those annoying commentators like I would have to while watching it on TV.

He answered: "Yeah no." and then he added, "Hey do u have pix messaging? I still don't know what u look like."

Oh. Ummm. So he didn't see my picture on my profile then. When I got this text, that's when my giddyness left and instead I was rather crestfallen. I had really thought that maybe things would be different, maybe this guy was different. I had thought that since he had sent me questions after the free communication weekend that he had been a paying member and that he had seen my picture. Apparently this was not so.

I, however, had seen what he looked like because I had used my crafty, ingenious ways to look him up on Facebook. After seeing his pictures, I thought he seemed ok. He wasn't hot or anything, but I was willing to see past that because I am a good person. Yeah he might not have the looks of a model, but from his profile and the limited communication I had had with him, he seemed like a decent fellow. I should have gotten my clue after looking at his Facebook albums though. Why? Well, you'll find out.

So, after getting his request for a picture, I realized that the whole thing was too good to be true. I knew that once I had sent him my picture he would think, "Oh. Yeah. Well it was nice chatting with you" and close communication. Then after debating on what I should do--Should I lie and say I didn't have picture capability or that I was somewhere where I couldn't take a picture (which would only prolong the inevitable)?--I decided he was going to figure out what I looked like sooner or later, so I might as well send it.

It was then that I realized something. Yeah, I may not be the hottest girl ever, or even a really cute one, but there was obviously something about my personality that appealed to him or else he would not have sent me those questions. So if after receiving my picture he decides not to continue talking to me, it was his loss, and I wasn't going to let it bother me. He wasn't someone I wanted to waste my time with anyway if that was the case. So I sent him my picture.

Well, it was good that I had made my realization because as it turns out he was the guy I didn't want to waste my time with. He told me thanks for sending it and that he was there to make friends. I replied that I was on their for friends too and asked him another question, and I haven't heard from him since.

Which at first is kind of sad (cause obviously he lied about being friends first cause he would have tried to keep texting a little bit then), but it is okay and probably for the best. Why waste time and energy on something that will not end up being anything (which might have been his reasoning for not texting back)? I'm okay with how things turned out because I started this whole thing to find out more about it as an experiment anyway. I guess I had a tiny little hope that maybe something would come out of the experiment, but in a way I'm glad that I didn't invest much more of my hope in the whole thing anyway.

I did have fun though while it lasted. It was fun to get matches and read funny profiles. It was even fun to actually talk with someone for a little bit even if nothing resulted from it. But, the question remains, now what?

Stay tuned for the concluding post of The E Files. It has Agent Mattie's final thoughts, and one last great adventure, for you see, another free communication weekend occurred, and she made contact with another of the male species, and it goes a little further than with this guy...

The E Files--Part 6: An Interesting Turn of Events

Previously on E Files, Agent Mattie was feeling a bit down after receiving many rejections from her matches. She was ready to call her experiment quits. She had gotten a good laugh or two, had gained some new experience in the alien world of online dating, and had learned what she could about the species. The free communication weekend had ended, and she figured it was time to shut down the experiment. Little did she know what was about to happen next:

I'll be honest, I had fun reading all the profiles. Yeah, it was kind of disappointing to be rejected, but it was an interesting experience. With the free communication weekend being over, I figured I'd close out my account because I sure as heck wasn't going to pay money for an actual subscription. But then I thought, maybe I'll just keep it open and see if I get any more funny matches.

Then, the day after the free communication weekend ended, I get an email from eHarmony saying that one of my matches wanted to communicate with me and that he had sent me questions.

At first I got really excited, and then immediately after I thought, "Well great. I can't answer him back." I still didn't think it was worth it for me to pay the money to answer his questions, so I was sort of at a loss for what to do. After reading his profile again, he seemed like a nice enough guy, and I didn't want to leave him hanging. I didn't know what to do.

But then, I noticed that he had creatively left his email address in his profile (you can't put your actual email address or else eHarmony will delete it for you; it's for your protection). So I decided I would email him the answers to his questions and just explain that I wasn't a paying member so I couldn't respond through eHarmony. Here's what I said (and you can see what questions he asked):
"I'm sorry, I don't have a paid subscription, and the free communication weekend just ended. But, I didn't want to leave you hanging wondering why I never answered the questions. I hope it's okay that I'm emailing you with the address you had on your profile. Here's those questions:
1. What best describes your parents' relationship towards each other:
* married and loving
* married but distant
* divorced and civil
* divorced and abusive
* Other:
2. How trusting are you?
* sometimes I'm too naive
* I trust people and am able to forgive them when wronged
* I trust people until they prove me wrong, then it is hard to trust again
* people are dishonest by nature, you need to be careful
* Other: I think it's more of a mix of the 2nd and 3rd options. I am a very trusting person and can forgive someone when they've wronged me. But, it's always hard to build that trust again, and especially if it's happened multiple times, it makes it that much harder to trust them.
3. Which sort of date sounds like the most fun to you?
* attend a lecture on a topic that appeals to both of you
* go bargain hunting at a local flea market or antique shop
* go bowling (Although I will say all of them sound pretty fun, it just depends on what I'm in the mood for. But, bowling would have to be the most fun.)
* visit a local comedy club
* Other
4. How often do you exercise?
*Never
*Once a week
*Two or three times a week (More like 4 times a week)
*Every Day
*Other:
5. What's your philosophy on travel?
* When are we leaving? My bags are packed.
* I like to take a couple big trips each year.
* I generally plan one trip each year to a domestic destination.
* I'm not a big fan of travel. I like to stay close to home.
* Other: I'd love to travel all of the time, but my monetary funds have suggested otherwise. I usually try to go on at least 1 out of state trip a year (and then take a few mini "stay-cations" if I can, too).
Anyway, I hope this helps. You won't hurt my feelings if you never answer me, I just felt bad about leaving you hanging without any answers to these questions! I'm open to any others if you have more. If I don't hear from you, it was nice to sort of kind of meet you at least by reading your profile and for sort of kind of chatting through 5 close-ended questions, and good luck with your search.
~Mattie from Texas"

Now for the most part, the questions were understandable. The exercise one was a bit odd, and I kind of knew what he was getting at. But, I figured he had seen my profile and still wanted to know me more, right? Well, surprisingly enough, he answered me back: "Mattie, Thank you for the email! I really appreciate it. I don't have much time, as I'm heading to bed so I can get up early and catch the train to the Vancouver Olympics tomorrow. So, if you'd like, text me at [his number] and I can reply there since I'll be out of town for a few days. Sleep tight!"

I didn't want to text him as soon as I read the email, so I waited a day until I did (I didn't want to seem desperate). Then I texted him and basically said I didn't want to interrupt his trip at the Olympics, but I just wanted to know if he was at least going to a hockey game. He responded that yes he was, and I texted back that that was a relief because it was just not worth it if he didn't. He texted back with a "Hahaha" and that was the end.

I decided I wouldn't text him back because if I were at the Olympics, I wouldn't want some random guy I didn't really know to be texting me the whole time. So I figured, when and if he wanted to text/call me back, he would. Until then, I'd go about my normal life and see what happened.

He did text me back, but that's a story for the next post. :)

The E Files--Part 5: The Rejections Start Rolling In

With Agent Mattie's new and improved profile, she knew that soon the males of the species would be sending her messages and wanting to communicate right and left. She knew her tweaks would have gotten someone's attention, and she was hoping that it would be what she needed to really carry on with her experiment. But, alas... perhaps she had been wrong in her theory:

By the time I had my 2nd profile, I had received at least 25 to 30 matches, and most of them seemed like they had potential. However, I'll admit, I was afraid to send them a message because I didn't want to seem forward. Hey, I'm new to this online dating thing, I don't know what the protocol is! So instead, I went about my daily life and occasionally seeing who else eHarmony and sent me.

Then I got excited because it said I had some communications!

Yeah... closed communications messages.

For those that aren't aware, if you come across a match in which after reading their profile you can already tell it's not going to work out, you can "Close Communication" with them. Basically, they get taken off of your "matches" list, and they cannot message or contact you. When you decide to close communication, eHarmony gives you a list of explanations as to why you didn't think they'd work out. You can't write your own, you have to pick the given ones. While some are pretty understandable excuses: "The distance is far too great." or "Based on statements in their profile, I'm not interested." etc., some are kind of random, odd, and when I received some of them, a bit mean.

I received lots of "Other" messages. Ummm I guess that's ok. I gave out some of these too because I didn't want to be mean by saying they were not interesting people. Some of the matches I received seemed like great guys, just not for me. So, I wasn't too upset by receiving "Other" as an excuse. I was, however, upset when I received these:

"I have too much happening in my life at the moment" and "I am taking a break from dating" both seem ridiculous. Why did you even sign up for eHarmony then?

"I am pursuing another relationship." Ok, I kind of understand this one, but come on! Just close your profile then, why keep looking at greener pastures, when you seem perfectly happy in the one you're in.

"I want to pursue other matches on eHarmony." I think this one probably hurt the worst out of all of them. I mean, I realize that there are better options out there besides me, but I just don't like how it's phrased. I don't know, maybe I'm just being too sensitive.

This last one I think was the most confusing to me: "I think the difference in our values is too great." Ummm... what? I know I put down that eHarmony should only match me with other LDS people, and this guy, from his profile seemed really nice and everything. If he is in fact LDS like he said he was, I'm not sure what the difference in our values is because I thought we had the same values. It was odd.

Anyway, the majority of the reasons I got were "Other" and "I want to pursue other matches on eHarmony." Well FINE, Abe from Provo! I didn't want to talk to you anyway! Yeah, you too, Ben from California! I'll just see what these other matches have that you don't. Meanie.

LOL, I'm okay, I promise. I was a tiny hurt at first (I mean, who loves getting rejected?), but I understand that I'm not exactly what some guys are looking for. I was expecting it to happen and work out that way, which is why I went into this as an experiement. It was a learning experience, and I would see who was out there and if I could get a few laughs.

Once the tinge of sadness left, I too started closing communications with people. It actually felt good. Why do I have to sit and wait for them to reject me first? If I know I'm not going to like them, why keep them in my matches? My only question was, would I get anything else besides a "Closed Communcation Message"?

The E Files--Part 4: Setting Up My 2nd Profile

Giddy with excitement from her many matches, Agent Mattie was starting to understand how the males of the alien species worked. After many good laughs from reading the many profiles, Agent Mattie realized her own profile may be amiss:

Once the initial shock of hilarity wore off after reading these profiles, I started reading more carefully to see if there was potential with these guys. Now because I had set all my preferences to be that I'd be matched up with another LDS guy, I started noticing a trend with all of their profiles. Almost all of them were quite explicit in their dedication to the Church and the gospel.

This isn't a bad thing, but I started wondering if maybe my profile wasn't as great as I thought. Maybe I needed to be more like them and really be more obvious about the fact that I was a member of the Church. I had a few friends that told me I shouldn't have given in to the peer pressure, but it was too late.

I decided that I needed to change my profile, not entirely, just some tweaking. I wanted to make my ad as appealing as possible, and if this is what these guys are looking for, than I can definitely provide. So here is my new, updated profile (click to enlarge): It's not too drastic of a change, right? It's still me being honest about myself. I just chose to share something else about me.

Now that I had a better, improved profile, I would appeal to someone enough for them to send me a message. They had to... someone had to... right?

The E Files--Part 3: The Matches Come Rolling In

Previously on the E Files, Agent Mattie had completed her disguise and was now a part of the alien online dating community. Now as one of them, she had to wait until the leader, an abstract machine, had found her matches, a typical custom of the species. Let's see what the leader has uncovered for Agent Mattie:

Now that I completed my profile, I let eHarmony work it's magic and do all the heavy lifting to bring me my potential future significant others. At first, I only got three. Wow, out of the thousands of people on there, there's only three for me? Apparently I'm really difficult to be compatible with.

But then, as the weekend progressed I got 6 or 7 matches a day. I'll admit, it was kind of exciting to see I had new matches. It was fun. Some of them seemed okay, some seemed interesting, others were misspelled (therefore I couldn't stand it), and most were downright hilarious (both intentional and unintentional).

Because I'm sure you'd get real bored real fast, I won't share every detail of every profile of matches I received. After all, you didn't sing up for it, I did, so it's my job to go through all the dreck to find you the real hilarious gems. Like this one: Eharmony asks, What is one thing you are most passionate about? This guy (who actually lives pretty darn close to me, so I'm not saying who or where exactly) replies "I am most passionate about women who are physically attractive and easy-going..." (and then adds that the most important thing he is looking for in a person is "that she is physically attractive, kind, and easy-going, all equally important." Really dude, that's what you're most passionate about? Then he goes on to add he's also passionate about "a hobby I have of editing and cleaning up rated R movies." Ok, that's it. I can't do it. You are definitely not my match.

Another guy was really passionate about the things he's passionate about. He used an exclamation point after the end of every sentence. He even went so far as to CAPITALIZE several WORDS! Ok, calm down. Another guy basically wrote his entire green eco-friendly agenda as his passion. Got it, you want to save the world one florescent bulb at a time. (Same guy wrote his best friends knew he came to college young. What are you trying to subtly say, huh?) Another wrote that he wanted me to know that he "originally is from France. I moved to the States when I was 13." Is this supposed to impress me? Because, really it's just coming off as pretentious.

On to the next set! Then one guy, who seemed really artsy and into theater, claimed that his best friends know that he used to be "addicted to parking illegally?". Ummmm Ok. Didn't know that was something you could be addicted to and is it because you loved the thrill of being a criminal? I don't know, I just thought it was something really weird he put that he was trying to be funny with, but instead it was just odd. Another person said (when saying what he does in his free time) "And I'm not ashamed to admit it, I love to watch TV and movies when I'm at home." Is watching TV and movies a thing to be shameful about? Isn't that what most of the American public does? Also similar, a guy wrote that he still used the terms boyfriend and girlfriend no matter how out of date his friends say they are. Since when is the term boyfriend and girlfriend out of date? I must have missed the memo.

I do admire the honesty of some, like this guy who said he is "passionate and loving even though on the surface [he] seems hard, cold, and uncaring." (He was in the military... it makes sense, but I'm sure its tough to get past that hard, cold, uncaring exterior.) This same person said: "I am a fortress that very few will ever be allowed inside. You might one day be given access. But understand that the things you don't know about me could fill the Grand Canyon." Wow, dude. Nevermind, I think I might just move on then...

I thought it was funny when they didn't understand or answer the questions correctly. Like, for instance, the question was what is the first thing people notice about you? The guy answered, "I always notice someone's smile. It really expresses their personality." Ummm, not the answer I was looking for. Then there was another person when asked who is the most influential person in your life answered, "leaders of the church." All of them? You can't just pick one? To the same question another wrote, "Does God count?" Yes, I'll give you that one, but just this once. In the spot asking what other information that he wants you to know, one put, "of course." Kind of in the same vein, another just babbled on, trying to cover his tracks: "I haven't always possessed a desire for learning about the scriptures, and spiritual things; I mean, I always was to a certain degree, because I'm a deep thinker and it's always been on my mind. But, since my mission I've really come to have a hunger for things found within the word of God. Sounds cheesy to say, but hey, I'm trying to be honest here." (This same person also had a passion for video games and how they tell a story and he wanted to do it as a career. No thanks, pal.) One guy remarked he couldn't live without "the girl of his dreams!!!" Ummm seems like he's been living okay so far.

There were several mistakes and typos going on in these profiles, and for the most part I could forgive most of them because I understand that no one is perfect and sometimes you mistype things. However, there are a few things that were unforgivable, like with "JOnathan." Ok, maybe his name is really spelled that way, or he was trying to emphasize his nickname, but for some reason I highly doubt it. If you can't even type your name right, things are not going to work out well between us. (eHarmony tried to help out by saying that both JOnathan and I were a Cancer which is something we could talk about! Oh goody!!!) Then there was another one who wrote: "I must say the freinds who I have chosen to be around me. They are always freindly and want me to go after my dreams." Once, I could probably let it go, but twice??? No way my friend. No. (This guy had several other mistakes too, like "esay" (for easy) "somtimes" and he didn't even capitalize his name.)

What I thought was funny was what a few guys said was their "Occupation." Like JOnathan, who claimed his occupation was an "Engineer in Education." What exactly does that mean? He's learning to be an engineer? He's engineering education? Then there was another one who said: "I will explain when asked" Ummm, are you a spy? Or are you unemployed? What is there to explain? Then there was another guy who said "I have a good, solid career." Oh yeah? so solid you can't say what it is you do?

Then there were a few guys who were actually pretty funny, intentionally. Like one who said he wished more people would notice "that I'm a really thoughtful and sensitive guy, then again what guy makes that apparent?" Hmmm very true. One guy said he couldn't live without Rosco his mule (which is a tossup between intentional humor and unintentional). Another said that he wished more people noticed his "really beautiful hazel colored eyes." To the same question, another said "how absolutely devoted I am and the cute, fun, and sweet ways I show it. :)" The same person said "One time my family went on a trip to some sort of park or animal reserve and an elk came and licked our window!! Seriously!! I have the craziest adventures!" LOL... ok, if you say so. Another said that people notice "how nice I am. Sometimes I think it is a curse." Curse niceness! There was one guy in particular that made me laugh the most, and his I'll share with you in its entirety (click to enlarge):

The E Files--Part 2: Setting Up My Profile

Last time on E Files, Agent Mattie was entering an alien, unknown world of online dating, and her first task was to pass the grueling entrance exam to appear like the aliens themselves. It's only by pretending to be one of them that Agent Mattie can really learn more about their mating rituals. The next step, now that Agent Mattie was in, was to make herself a profile, to be included as part of the alien community:

Luckily some of my profile was filled out when I took that test. But then, it asked me to include some more info and answer more questions, you know to make sure I really was invested and putting myself out there. Since the profile is basically my advertisement to the world, I had to make sure it looked good, but at the same time was me.

This was hard to do. At least on Facebook, for example, I can really be me because I'm talking with friends and family and putting up links and photos so you get the sense of how I am. With my eHarmony profile, I tried to be me as much as I could, but I didn't want to lay it all out at the beginning or else they wouldn't want to get to know me, right?

So I did my best trying to explain myself in the limited space I was given, answering the questions as truthfully as I could, but at the same time putting my style and personality in the writing. I think what I came up with was pretty good (click to enlarge):
My profile lets people know I'm fun, religious, family-oriented, smart, funny, and ready for a challenge.

Now, all I had to do was wait.

The E(harmony) (Pro)Files--Part 1: The Personality Test

As some of you may recall, I received an email on Valentine's Day weekend advertising that eHarmony was free for 5 days. Well, not really. I misread it, and it was really free communication for 5 days. But, I thought, what the heck. I was curious, and I figured I'll sign up and see what happens. If anything, I'd get some pretty entertaining material like a friend of mine had.

The first step of setting up an eHarmony profile is taking the personality test that helps eHarmony's algorithm match you up with the most compatible people for you. You know, they match on "29 dimensions of deep compatibility." Now that I've taken this test, I think it's a load of crap. Maybe it's just me, but some of these questions were ridiculous:

1. "True or False: My house is often cleaner when I have company coming over."
Ummm... don't most people clean when they know someone's coming? Pretty sure I don't know anyone who says, "Company's coming! Quick make a mess!"

2. "True or False: I generally want to come out ahead."
Doesn't everyone? I really don't want to be matched with someone who wants to come out behind because he clearly has no ambition or goals.

Then, there were preference questions, and I felt a little odd answering a few of them. For example, it asked me what race I would prefer to be matched up with. I felt a little racist putting "Caucasian," but honestly, I don't see myself with a little Chinese man. So, to make up for my glaring racism, I put that it wasn't that important to me that this guy should be white.

There were, however, a few things that I said were really important to me, like the fact that I wanted to be matched with another LDS person (or at least one that claimed to be) and someone that didn't smoke or drink at all. However, eHarmony, I guess, felt like I was being too restrictive on the drinking one and told me this:
Sorry, eHarmony, I don't care how many more matches I'll get if I say I'm okay with someone drinking once a week or more; there's a reason why I have it set that way in the first place!

Anyway, so I finally manage to get through the compatibility/personality test after a couple hours. No, seriously, it took forever. There were 10 freaking sections. I felt like I was going through an extensive background check/vetting process, or an intense employment application or something. I had to take several breaks just cause I couldn't stand staring at the screen and answering questions anymore. It was crazy, but I had completed the test and was signed up to be a member of the eHarmony community.

The next step was setting up my profile...

As we near the end of that Hallmark holiday...

Quick, send out those Chinese New Year cards while you still can! It's ending soon.

Oh yeah, there was another holiday today as well, Valentine's Day or Single's Awareness Day, whatever the case may be. I actually wasn't too upset this year being without a significant other on this most ridiculous of holidays (after 23 years, it's the norm). I hung out with my friends, ate chocolate, and for the most part avoided the sappy-ness of the seasonal sections of stores. Although, I, unfortunately, was unable to avoid the cheesy human interest/Valentine's Day mentions during the pairs figure skating of the Olympics.

However, in a moment of weakness, and really pure curiosity, I decided to act on an email I received; I filled out an eHarmony profile. Yeah, I did. I received an email saying it was free for 5 days (I found out later that it was just free communication for 5 days, not a free membership.) and decided, why not? I've always wondered what fun entertaining things I'd find on here, and thought I'd try it.

I've always been weary of online dating; something about having to tell your children that you met their father online just isn't something I've ever wanted to have to do. I've known plenty of people that are perfectly happy and some even married having first met online. It's helpful and works out great for some people, but I just don't think I'm one of those. So, me signing up for eHarmony is for pure entertainment and experimental purposes, not that I actually want to meet (or even talk to) any of these guys.

So, the next few series of blog posts will be my experiences, adventures, and observations about the brave new world of online dating. Oh, it's going to be fun.

In other news, Happy President's Day tomorrow!

This Ain't My Scene

Most of you have already heard this story from me, so I apologize for the repeat. If you haven't heard, please enjoy the next bit of nonfiction:

Recently (ok like a few weeks ago), I attended a New Year's party with a few friends of mine. I just barely made the age cut off of the 23 to 45 year olds that were invited to attend. A friend had asked me to accompany her, and since I had dragged her to an 80's YSA dance the night before, I thought it was the least I could do to get dressed up a little and go with her to this party.

When we arrived, there were probably 20 people there, including the live band of 5. Luckily, we found some other people we knew and talked with them. As the night progressed, I continually felt like the youngest person there (and in all reality, I probably was). I was enjoying talking with my friends, but it wasn't the best atmosphere for talking because the band's volume was really loud in such an enclosed space. There was some food, a few board games, a pool table, a couch, and a big screen TV tuned to some football game. Ok, now that the scene has been set, here's what happened:

My friends and I were sitting on the couch, a sectional to be exact. So, at the end was my friend Jane* (*Names have been changed for their protection), then Erin*, then me, then the corner of the sectional was empty, then Emily* (who I came with) and Reese*, and then some random dude we didn't know who was messing with his iPhone. We were chatting about random things when this man, who looked to be about 35, comes and stands in front of us (Jane, Erin, and I) and proclaims,

"There are too many girls sitting in a row, so I'll have to sit right there," as he points between Erin and myself.

"Umm ok," I say. "Do you want me to scoot over?"

"No, no. I have to earn my spot," he says as he proceeds to sit right next to me, at the corner of the sectional. He introduces himself, let's call him Bob, and we do the same, each of us shaking hands as we do so. After intros were made, he then turns to me and asks Jane's name again.

Then he says, "Excuse me, sorry," and gets up to stand in front of Jane. "Sometimes I have these urges. Will you indulge me for a moment, and let me snap your nylons?" He then tries to grab Jane's tights on her leg to appease his "urge." He of course can't grab it, so Jane helps him out (which i have no idea why) by lifting it up a little for him to get a hold of. He thanks her and comes and sits back down next to me.

Now at this point, I'm really dumbfounded and a little creeped out by this man who obviously has no self-restraint with complete strangers. But, then, I'm even more shocked as he continues,

"Sorry, sometimes I have these inclinations. Like for example, when women wear low cut blouses and their cleavage is showing and they're really pushed together, you know? I just want to come by and shove something in between there, like a credit card or something. Or if they are kind of far apart, maybe like a pen or something," he says, while illustrating what he's talking about with his hands the whole time.

Now, I'm really creeped out by this perv because he's talking about shoving things in women's cleavage to 3 women he has never met. I think all three of us were a little shocked and didn't know what to say. So, to ease the awkward silence a bit, Erin starts talking about how she has some friends that like to throw things at people in restaurants or something.

"Oh, okay. I'm glad I'm not the only one," he remarks, to which I'm thinking in my head, Well you're the only one stupid enough to say it out loud to three females. And to save himself, "But, you guys are okay cause you're not wearing anything low cut, so you're not tempting me." (Oh, what a relief.)

He then asks if we're of the "Mormon persuasion" (we all say yes), and he says, "Oh, good, then we can talk about "insider stuff." Now throughout this whole time, I was convinced he wasn't a member because he reeked of smoke (not just his clothes, his breath, too). So I was thinking, maybe he's drunk (or high) and stumbled in here from the apartment complex. But, he is now trying to convince us he, too, is Mormon.

So as to explain his smoke smell, he tells me, "Oh,do I smell like smoke? We went to this restaurant. Well, I guess it was a kind of a bar restaurant, and they let people smoke in there." I can smell it on your breath. You're not fooling anybody, pal.

More awkward silence.

Now, I really want this guy to leave, and I'm tired of smelling cigarette smoke, so my arms are crossed, and I'm staring at the TV in front of me with my lips pursed together. He then turns and looks at me and tells me,

"You look like the cure for boredom. But, you're holding back and keeping you're cool."

"Yup. That's exactly it," I say in my most sarcastic, dripping-with-malice type voice.

"Well, here's what we're going to do," he tells me as he jumps/squats in front of me. He has his arm out in front of me (about a foot away from my chest, actually; although, my arms are crossed, so there was a barrier) and starts to reveal his plan. "We're going to pretend like it's the horse races and you're in the pen, and we're going to let you out. Then, you're going to go crazy and bust out and get the party going!" Ummmm....

"No, that's ok," I say, curtly.

"No, come on. You can do it, but you got to get real close to the gate you know like the horses do, so we can let you out," he says while he pats his arm, clearly telling me he wants me to press myself to his arm. Excuse me? Are you serious? do you really think that I am stupid enough to not see what you are really getting at and follow your idiotic, perverted "plan"?

"No, that's ok," I say again. "I don't want to scare anybody."

"Oh. Okay," he replies, looking a bit disappointed and sits back down on the couch. Now, I've had it, but I really am quite comfortable on the couch, so I look for a way to get him to move on, as opposed to me having to leave. So, I point over to where people are starting to dance,

"People are dancing over there, you should go and check it out."

"Well, I don't want to leave you guys."

"No really, that's ok," we all say, with all of us saying something about how we're tired and will stay on the couch.

"Oh, okay. Well, I will go, but I will have a sad face on because you guys won't be over there." Then, finally, he walks away.

At first the whole thing is almost surreal; did that guy really say and do those things? Then came the realization--it was all real, and that now I feel icky, and I need to avoid this person the rest of my life. The whole time Emily and Reese casually looked on, but apparently Reese was dealing with her own weirdo (the guy on the phone, who asked about her bra). But, she didn't hit the jackpot like I did.

So, after that interesting occurrence, we stayed for a little while longer. When Emily was ready to go, I was more than happy to oblige her. It was fun to talk with my friends, but I'll be honest, I felt a little out of place. As we were leaving, Bob decided to sit next to Reese this time. But, unlike me (who tried to save her), Reese told him off gently instead of letting him keep going. I obviously could learn a thing or two from her.

The party wasn't my scene, but I came back with a hilarious and extremely awkward story, so it was totally worth it, right?

Fort Worth YSA Conference

AKA: More than a thousand single (or at least not married yet) Mormons ranging from ages 18 to 30 all in one building.

Last weekend I attended what we LDS folks call a multi-regional young single adult (YSA) conference. For those who aren’t in the know, basically all the Mormon YSAs in a particular region all meet and do service projects, have activities, attend classes/workshops, and eat over the period of a weekend. This is fun and a great way to meet people and see old friends. This time around, however, we were having a very important member of our Church come to speak to us at the end of the conference: President Uchtdorf, a member of the First Presidency and an apostle. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, it’s basically like having the secretary of state come and speak. What this means is that EVERYONE wants to be there and come hear him speak. This is both good and bad: Good that we get to hear someone who is closer to the Lord than most of us, and bad in that there is going to be so many people in attendance that it’ll be really hard to actually meet new people.

On with the story: While Fort Worth is only an hour to an hour and a half away, my friends and I didn’t want to be driving back and forth Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. So, instead, we got 2 rooms at a hotel 15 minutes away from the stake center for the weekend. I was joking with a few friends that for all the money I’m spending on gas and a hotel, I better have a boyfriend (ok maybe a date) by the end of the weekend. Realizing that was quite the unrealistic goal, I amended my statement: I at least want a better sense of self and some new friends.

Well, I was right, I didn’t get a boyfriend or a date (not even a number), but I did achieve my more realistic goal. Here’s what I got:
1. I don’t like an activity with no structure like when it’s “here’s some stuff, do whatever you want.”
2. Getting footballs thrown towards me, more specifically my face, is not a pleasant experience, and I cringed every time.
3. Yes, I did meet a few people (yes, guys too, Mom), and they were nice. But, again, I didn’t really see them again after we met because there were so many people.
4. I cannot tie a cute bow for a hair band to save my life. I tried, several times; it’s impossible.
5. Recycling greeting cards (cutting up old ones to make new ones) was fun, especially with all the old wedding announcements we could mock. Not sure who would actually use the cards we made out of them though.
6. Apparently, you can’t die filthy rich and get into Heaven (cause you can’t be filthy in Heaven). But, you can, however, be wealthy and get in (new life goal now set).
7. I loved this quote, used in one of the workshops, by C.S. Lewis: “I pray because I can’t help myself. I pray because I’m helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time—waking and sleeping. It doesn’t change God—it changes me.”
8. It really bugged me when people said they came from far off places for the conference (like Alaska, Hawaii, etc.). I’m sorry you did not travel all the way from “Sai Pei (it’s next to Guam)” just for the conference. You’re at school at U.T. You are here from U.T., honey.
9. Dancing in a room with 1000 other sweaty people squeezing in next to you is not always fun.
10. I do not want to be proposed to by a DJ request in a room with 1000 strangers at a YSA conference dance. (Yeah, it did in fact happen to someone else there.)
11. Sometimes sitting on a hard metal chair for 5 hours is worth the pain in your buttocks.
12. Sister Uchtdorf, President Uchtdorf’s wife, is hilarious and so cute! She told all of us we need to be getting emails at this conference, “Don’t twitter, just email.”
13. On a more spiritual note, she also told us about this statue in which it was Christ but without hands. On the statue, it said, “You are my hands.”
14. President Uchtdorf covered A LOT of things and topics in his talk at the fireside. What stood out most to me that he said was the following 3 things: (1) Instead of looking for the right one (when it comes to a spouse), we need to be the right one because when we try to be the right one, then we focus on the right things. (2) He quoted Dumbledore from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (which is freakin’ awesome), saying that it is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities. (3) If you know who you are, you know who Heavenly Father is.

Overall, although very crowded and cramped, I enjoyed the conference. I met a few new people, became better friends with others, did some service, learned some things in general and about myself, and felt the Spirit. I’m glad I went. There’s another one in November in San Antonio. Who’s with me?

Old Soul

My mom has told me several times that I am an "old soul," and that I was 30 years old ever since I was 5. Let me explain: Basically, I have been more mature and knowledgeable than others of my own age. I don't mean this to be boastful, because sometimes I don't like being more mature; it makes things more difficult. It's true, I am an old soul, and there has been several occasions in which I have known this about myself. There have been times where I have given helpful advice or counsel to others even though I had never been through that experience myself. I try not to get caught up into petty, childish problems because I know it's not worth it. And even though I admire this about myself and it helps me sometimes, there are other times when I don't like it.

My maturity makes it difficult to make friends with those of my age. I've almost always had friends who are older than me (or younger, mainly because I feel like I have to protect/take care of them). Even now, the majority of my friends are older than me, and sometimes I feel like my age is holding me back when I'm with them. Because although I act more mature and older, I don't actually have the years of life experience to back up my wisdom.

My old soul also makes it hard to date and find someone I like. Granted, there are other reasons why I probably don't date, but it is also hard to find a guy I could potentially like/go out with. I'm not completely opposed to asking a guy out, but I'd want to ask someone I'm somewhat interested in. But, with my maturity level being higher than most guys my age, most every guy in my ward is not what I want. I want an equal, someone who is just as mature and intelligent as me. I'm really not finding that guy in the rather slim pickings of my branch.

Maybe I'm just being too picky and snobbish. Perhaps I should open up more and be more willing to go out/meet/become friends with a guy that isn't exactly what I'm looking for. Who am I to judge and determine that he isn't mature/smart from the limited interaction I have had with him (although I'm pretty sure you can tell right off the bat for many)? But again, here's where my old soul gets me in trouble. I feel like if I already can tell it's not going to work out, my old soul says, "Why bother trying? It will only be a waste of time."

I don't quite know what to do because sometimes I can't have fun because I'm too mature for my own good. I'm trying to not let myself judge others too quickly, but it's hard. My old soul gets the best of me and thinks it knows better (and perhaps it does). Hopefully, by the time my age catches up to my soul, I won't feel quite so out of place.

Perhaps I just need to find an older man. Now where to find one... Can I buy one at Target?