My mom has told me several times that I am an "old soul," and that I was 30 years old ever since I was 5. Let me explain: Basically, I have been more mature and knowledgeable than others of my own age. I don't mean this to be boastful, because sometimes I don't like being more mature; it makes things more difficult. It's true, I am an old soul, and there has been several occasions in which I have known this about myself. There have been times where I have given helpful advice or counsel to others even though I had never been through that experience myself. I try not to get caught up into petty, childish problems because I know it's not worth it. And even though I admire this about myself and it helps me sometimes, there are other times when I don't like it.
My maturity makes it difficult to make friends with those of my age. I've almost always had friends who are older than me (or younger, mainly because I feel like I have to protect/take care of them). Even now, the majority of my friends are older than me, and sometimes I feel like my age is holding me back when I'm with them. Because although I act more mature and older, I don't actually have the years of life experience to back up my wisdom.
My old soul also makes it hard to date and find someone I like. Granted, there are other reasons why I probably don't date, but it is also hard to find a guy I could potentially like/go out with. I'm not completely opposed to asking a guy out, but I'd want to ask someone I'm somewhat interested in. But, with my maturity level being higher than most guys my age, most every guy in my ward is not what I want. I want an equal, someone who is just as mature and intelligent as me. I'm really not finding that guy in the rather slim pickings of my branch.
Maybe I'm just being too picky and snobbish. Perhaps I should open up more and be more willing to go out/meet/become friends with a guy that isn't exactly what I'm looking for. Who am I to judge and determine that he isn't mature/smart from the limited interaction I have had with him (although I'm pretty sure you can tell right off the bat for many)? But again, here's where my old soul gets me in trouble. I feel like if I already can tell it's not going to work out, my old soul says, "Why bother trying? It will only be a waste of time."
I don't quite know what to do because sometimes I can't have fun because I'm too mature for my own good. I'm trying to not let myself judge others too quickly, but it's hard. My old soul gets the best of me and thinks it knows better (and perhaps it does). Hopefully, by the time my age catches up to my soul, I won't feel quite so out of place.
Perhaps I just need to find an older man. Now where to find one... Can I buy one at Target?
2 comments:
I would not recommend Target brand men. Perhaps you should look somewhere a little more high quality. Perhaps a boutique?
And you are plenty of fun! And I don't think you're THAT old of soul, I mean you're friends with me and I'm not older than you. :)
I get this post 100%. My mother use to tell me the exact same thing. Same thing with the friends, I had a lot of older and younger friends when I was in high school. And right now, my closest friends at work are 55 and 45. I can't help it. I like them, and don't really want to hang out with the people my age--I don't feel the same connection with my peers as I do with my hilarious, slightly older co-workers.
And most of my dating life has been a series of first dates in which I already knew it wasn't right for me to be with whichever guy I was out on a date with. Not that they're bad people, they just weren't for me and I reeeeeally knew it. I'm like you, "Why waste the time, and the other person's money when I know nothing will come of it?"
I'm a little older than you, and at least for me, none of the issues you just described have gone away for me. I still look for someone to match up with correctly, and I still feel very out of place sometimes. BUT! Maybe it'll be easier to handle once you get a few more years on, cause you've had a longer period of time to figure out how to deal. At least I'm use to the occasional awkwardness, right? :)
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