Embracing Your Singleness--Step 1

The first step to embracing your singleness is to realize it's okay that you are single. For some, it takes longer to come to terms with this fact and be okay. Some people are lost without being in a relationship, so they go into another (rebound) as soon as they can. If this is you, I say, take your time; revel in the fact that you are unattached.

Whenever I feel down in the fact that I am single, I just think about all the failing relationships in the world and how I'm glad I'm not in one. Ok, I realize this sounds terrible, but sometimes it gets me out of my "woe is me" pity party. I know of so many young couples that are getting divorced after only a few years of marriage. It's sad and horrible, but sometimes I feel like it's because they didn't take the time to really get to know one another.

At a certain age, we've all been told that the next step in our lives is to get married. So because that is the next logical step in our progression, they get married without really comprehending the reality of it all. Some are in love with the idea of being in love, and when they realize that marriage is work, they run home and decide they don't want to be married anymore. It wasn't what they thought it was going to be. Granted, I'm sure there might be other circumstances as to why they call it quits, but I am almost positive that in most cases what I'm talking about is the underlying problem.

When it's time to get married, you had better know your future spouse. Yes, you'll get to know him/her even more after you're married, but before then I hope you know him/her as much as you possibly can. Which then leads me to my next point: The only way you can really know your significant other is after you really know yourself. It's hard to know yourself very well when you're not single.

If you're dating, you'll always define yourself in terms of that relationship or that person unless you've already learned about yourself beforehand. And, if you continue to define yourself in terms of another, once that person leaves you'll have to start over again or at least fill that gap (perhaps with another person). Why would you want to keep doing that every time when you can do it once when you're single? Then, once you really know yourself, it makes it that much easier when you find yourself in a relationship. You won't waste your time since you'll know what will work for you and that is what you'll look for in a companion.

What do I mean? Well, have you seen Runaway Bride? In it, Julia Roberts' character always likes and does whatever her fiance at the time likes and does, and Richard Gere's character calls her out on it. Remember, she doesn't know what kind of eggs she likes? Well, it's not until after her and Richard Gere's failed attempt at marriage the 1st time around that Julia Roberts starts finding out who she is. She tries every kind of egg she can until she finds the one she likes. She does what she's always wanted to do: sell her unique lamps in New York City. She finds out who she is while she is single, and it is then that she realizes and decides that Richard Gere is what she wants. And it is when she's discovered herself that is she is ready to commit to marrying Richard Gere. Make sense now?

Ok, now that we've established why it's okay to be single (if you need more reasons, check out this), the next step is how to be okay with it.